


Drowning Underwater

by Chephirah95



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice (Comics), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Atlantean Army, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Kadlur'ahm deserves better, Kaldur in the army, Kaldur needs a hug, Kaldur-centric, M/M, Mentors, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Underage, Rape Aftermath, Underage Rape/Non-con, mentors & proteges - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-19 15:02:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 38,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11315862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chephirah95/pseuds/Chephirah95
Summary: Kaldura'ahm's darkest secret is brought to the light. The Atlantean Army is not all what it appears to be. With the help of his family and mentor he will get the healing he needs.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Triggers: NONCON
> 
>  
> 
> (Side Note: For anyone reading my story Bandaid Effect I am still working on it. I have half of the next chapter written.)
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice or any of its characters. 
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT & LEAVE KUDOS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaldura'ahm's darkest secret is brought to the light. The Atlantean Army is not all what it appears to be. With the help of his family and mentor he will get the healing he needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am currently fixing this story on here and on FF.net.   
> I went back over this story and I can do much better. It seems rushed and not very thought out. I plan on fixing it chapter by chapter. 
> 
> The first chapter is slightly different. I want the story to feel more mature. I just hope I'm giving my best writing from now on. 
> 
> Triggers: NONCON
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice or any of its characters.
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT & LEAVE KUDOS

 

**Kaldur'ahm's POV**

 

The mission was an overall success. We located the enemies' base in record time and gathered the intel we needed. There were a few difficulties, but nothing too serious. There was a small scuffle, but we had experienced worse. In the end, we got the job done.

We only called in backup from the Justice League because those were our orders: To apprehend the Light's workers and secure their lab off of the island of Star City. Everything was going much the same as any other night until we reached Mt. Justice.

I was summoned to the briefing room, and based on the atmosphere, I could tell I was not going to want to be here . Batman was standing across the room looking at me. His face was stoic, but he was so focused on me that it appeared he was looking  _past_  me. This was not unusual. The presence of my king,  _however_ , was.

Aquaman was examining me strangely. He looked really confused. Really worried.

"Kaldur..." His voice failed him.

"Was the mission not a success?"

It is the only reason I could see that I was being called before my king. It would explain why he seemed so nonplussed.

"In a manner of speaking." This came from Batman.

"I do not understand. This was a simple recon and apprehend mission. We have done both. There were no casualties and only minor bruising on our side. We were careful."

"Aqualad have a seat. We want to play you a recording from one of the men we have in holding."

I tentatively took my seat. We were never let in on the interrogation part of missions. That was reserved  _solely_  for the Justice League members. Unless I was being initiated into the League effective immediately, this did not bode well for me.

I froze when I saw who was on the screen.

Aware that they were gauging me for a response I attempted to look relaxed, but I knew I had failed spectacularly. Aquaman looked like he was facing down the biggest threat to his kingdom yet, and it would not surprise me if it were so.

I could be wrong.

This man.  _Dardanus_. He abdicated the Atlantean army years ago and sided with Black Manta. This could be what it was about. I just needed to regain my composure. Batman looked a bit sympathetic. It was not so much his eyes, which I could not see, but the way he tilted his head in my direction.

_"What were you doing in Star City? Has Black Manta expanded his reach?"_

_No response._

_"I am your King. Answer me!"_

_"You are no longer my king. The time for Kings and Queens are past. The victory goes to those strong enough to take it." The venom in his voice was enough to unnerve me._

_"Manta tell you that? He may not call himself King, but that is where his true intentions lie. You will not escape justice this day. He cannot even protect you. And if he could, we both know he would not."_

_Laughter. Strange, queer, delusional laughter._

_"He cannot protect **me**?  **You**  cannot protect  **your**  charge."_

I stared blankly at the screen. Doing my best to remember to breathe.

_"You do not even know. But how could you? Durahm is a **good**  boy. He knows how to keep a secret."_

_"What is the meaning of this cryptic message? Be clear or hold your tongue."_

_"He remembers. I bet he cannot forget. Did you know? You were not his first mentor. In fact, I was. In the Atlantean army. He was a green boy then. Smart. Lonely. Too lonely. Always lonely."_

No one interrupted him.

I wished they had.

_"He was so...special. He advanced so fast. He needed the extra attention so that he could impress the board. He needed to keep his army grant. His parents were struggling as it was you know. But Durahm...he was **helping** them really. Less of a financial burden. So selfless."_

Forget breathing. I did not  _need_  to breathe.

_"He was so **good**. Ask him if he remembers me. Remembers us. We took him in. We set him above the others. He was so  **talented**. Barely ever cried. He was so warm. So  **tight**  around my c-."_

_Aquaman had thrown the table over and was choking the man. Hitting him. Trying to get him to stop talking. To stop spilling secrets. **My**  secrets._

_"Kaldur'ahm? A child? Have you no shame?"_

_Superman had appeared in front of the screen and was attempting to stop Aquaman. And if Green Lantern had gotten in a few good kicks, and Batman a combination of well placed punches to the gut, well...Superman could not be in more than one place at a time._

_"He needed it. He begged us for it." He was manic. Intent on revealing as much as he could in a last show of rebellion._

I had enough. Tears were threatening to spill over. I stood up and pushed away from the table.

"Please. I do not wish to see this. Please stop. Just...do not... I can not... Stop the recording."

Batman swiftly stopped the tape.

"Aqualad-"

"No. No. No. No."

Aquaman sat me back down and kneeled in front of my vision.

"Kaldur'ahm. Please try to be calm. Breathe."

"Not this...Too much."

"It will be well Kaldur. We just need to ask you a few questions."

"No one was supposed to  _know_.  _Ever_. They  _promised_  me this." I was talking to myself.

Batman came into my line of vision.

"Kaldur."

He never called me by my name.

"I need you to focus on my voice."

I wanted to be anywhere but here. As large as the room was, it was not nearly big enough.

"We want to help you."

My face burned with embarrassment.

"I do not require this attention Batman. I have... _healed_  long ago. I speak truly on this matter."

It took him a second to understand what I was saying. He grimaced.

"I don't mean  _physically_  Kaldur. We want to --"

"That is not necessary. I will resign." I got up to exit.

Aquaman stopped me from leaving.

"We do not want you off of the team Kaldur. We only want to know what happened so that we can help in the best way possible. You do not have to leave the team."

"I cannot be a leader after...  _this_."

"Kal-"

"I am compromised." Our eyes met and stayed locked onto each other.

"Aqualad. Please stay seated." Batman took over.

Aquaman just looked out of place.

"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Did I  _want_  to?

"No. I do not. Please do not ask this of me. It is better left alone. He is apprehended. Let us leave it at that. Can this thing not be done?"

Aquaman made a strangled noise in his throat.

**Aquaman's POV**

He looked up at me with such innocent and desperate eyes. He wanted us to let him keep this buried. I could not, in good conscience, allow that.

"Kaldur. I hope you know that I care for you. Not only as my protégé, but as a son as well. Anything you tell me will not change our relationship."

He was the son I  _chose_. He saved my life and I knew I could ask for no better. None more loyal.

With this new revelation, I could not help but think of all the times he insisted he was ok. Times that sleep eluded him. When he was more hurt from training than he let on.

_Sha'lain'a. Calvin._  They would have to be told. I promised them that I would protect their son. Mera would be so disappointed in me. For not  _knowing_. Not  _seeing_.

Kaldur. He deserved a better mentor. Not one who took everything he said at face value. But one who could see past the mask and into the true matter of things.

**Kaldur'ahm's POV**

"I had to. I had to. I knew it was wrong, and it was my fault for letting it go on for so long-"

They were both shaking their heads. Telling me that, no, it was not my fault. That  _I_  was the innocent party here. That there was no guilt on my part.

**Batman's POV**

I wasn't surprised that Aquaman seemed lost for words. I don't know what I would do if this ever happened to Dick.

It's why Clark is staying with the scumbag for the night. He was the  _only_  one with enough self-control to not end his life tonight.

I'm glad we stopped the tape when we did. The man got more  _explicit_  the harder we hit him.

I had read Kaldur's file. Helped make his file in fact.

The reality is, that he was a textbook victim as far as picking one went.

_Lonely,_  he had said.

Lonely indeed. He had no friends except for two who he had only met  _shortly_  before becoming Aqualad. His parents were poor and he was relying on a grant to keep him in the Atlantean army school. They probably threatened to kick him out if he didn't cooperate.

I can't name how many of the elite were caught abusing children under the guise of philanthropy. I myself was under scrutiny when I made Dick my ward.

People saw that I was a playboy and jumped to the conclusion that because I was single and taking in an underaged boy, that I must've been a pedophile.

They could not have been further from the truth.

We were going to have to be careful with Kaldur'ahm. He was known for his self-sacrificing ways. He was already blaming himself.

I started the questions.

**Kaldur's POV**

"What is his name?" Before I could answer my king spoke in my stead.

"I do not think he knows that. In the Atlantean Army trainers are known by what they teach and are assigned a number. It is to decrease the possibility of playing favoritism based on where one comes from."

Batman looked a little surprised at this.

Aquaman would have normally been right, but I did know his name.  _Dardanus_. I knew  _all_  of their names. Dardanus, Arion, Kordax, and Topo.

"Nay my king. He told me. We were friends once I believe."

I did not know how to explain that they were not  _always_  monsters. That we used to just talk about good things sometimes. We did not always have  _secrets_ between us.

"Son. He led us to believe that there were more of them?"

He wanted to believe that this was not true. I could see it in his eyes. I could not meet them anymore. I shamefully began to cry. He looked stricken.

"I do not want to do this." How could I make them understand?

His hand fell on my shoulder.

"It is okay Kaldur. They broke the rules. Not you."

"What will you do? If I tell you?" They shared a look.

"We have to notify your parents." Batman added in his opinion.

I could not allow this. No matter what. I could not allow it.

"You cannot. This would hurt them unnecessarily. I will tell you all. If you would only promise to keep this between us."

I was desperate and not above begging. My parents would blame  _themselves_  for  _my_  deceit.

Aquaman spoke quietly.

"We cannot do that Kaldur'ahm. Your parents deserve to know. Aside from that, you are a minor under both Human and Atlantean law. I am bound by oath to tell your parents. They will understand-"

I sobbed. There was nothing else to do. I could not persuade him. My darkest secret was being aired out to two men I looked up to. They will think me weak.

"Please Annex Orin. I cannot tell them. I cannot."

He held me. I wished Batman would leave. He was making me anxious.

He must have read my mind because he left the room.

"Kaldur. Son. Please believe that I have your best interest at heart."

"If you tell them they will blame themselves. Please do not do this to them."

I was not very skilled in manipulation.

"Aqualad. I know your parents. They love you fiercely. There is nothing they would not do for you. They will not turn you away or shun you. Do you believe this?"

I just cried more. He hugged me tighter.

"I am  _afraid_."

 

_  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please continue to leave comments


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback of Kaldur's time in the Atlantean Army.
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS NOW FIXED AND HAS MORE CHANGES THAN THE FIRST CHAPTER I FIXED.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the Angst. It's hard to write Kaldur, but I wanted to give it a shot.
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT & LEAVE KUDOS
> 
> READ TAGS

 

 

**_***FLASHBACK – Entire Chapter ***_ **

Today is the day.

The Atlantean Army Corps was coming to Shayeris to round up the new volunteers. They wore the special insignia that signified they were here for the 11 year olds.

11 was the youngest you could be and join the army. We would not see real battle for quite some time, but we would learn the history of Atlantis and how to become efficient soldiers, generals, patrollers, and royal guards. Those of us not inclined to defend would learn science and healing in body, mind, and spirit.

My mother and father were not well off. I always wanted to study magic at an academy, but we could not afford it. The army was the cheaper route and if I worked hard enough, I could earn a grant that would allow me to study The Arts free of charge.

My mother, Sha’lain’a, was a great sorceress. I knew she had desired to train me in The Arts herself, but that was one of her conditions.

In order for her to stay in Atlantis after the rebellion, she was not allowed to practice any heavy magic. By default, she was not allowed to teach me. And she did not, teach me any spells that is, but she did give me tips on how to make them more powerful, more potent, and more exact. How to breathe, where to find the best materials, and ways to increase focus.

In order to make a living, she would sell healing potions. They did not require magic, as much as they did the correct ingredients. We were not desolate, but we relied heavily upon on her income.

It was hard enough for  _darkened_  Atlanteans to find substantial work, yet alone a full human.

It was a tedious thing.

To most Atlanteans, the Sun is all but considered a myth. We are so deep underwater that most had never saw it in person. Would never get the chance to. Atlanteans that look like my mother and myself are considered cursed by the Sun’s Kiss.

On top of that, there was the Curse of Kordax. He was an evil tyrant most noted by his blonde hair. Children born with his hair coloring were also considered cursed. Deformed somehow.

My mother and myself had both. Life was not easy.

My step-father Calvin was a good man. It was hard to imagine him a criminal in any capacity. He was allowed to stay with my mother in exchange for ditching the rebellion and handing over information. They never talk about it, but I got the feeling that he would not be safe on the surface world. I know he misses it. It was not unusual for him to enthrall me with stories of street vendors, drive-ins,  _hot_  food, and the strangest of them all,  _showers_!

There were humans that stood under a shower of water in order to clean themselves. How singular. I secretly wanted to try one. 

Mother used to tell me I had a knack for magic, that it was  _literally_  flowing through me. When I showed interest in The Arts, many were concerned that I would follow after my mother and take up the Dark Arts. So when I enlisted in the army, there were many who were already wary of me. The other children did not take to me either.

Orientation went by quickly. Too quickly for some. They were sent home. If you did not pass the orientation exams, you were not allowed to stay. You were always welcomed to come back in a year. Some did. Most did not.

I got a perfect score. 

From there we were separated by scores into classes. Naturally that put me in the top of my classes. It also made me a target. Your level was never permanent though. It changed depending on your progress or lack thereof.

We were tested in everything from strength, tactics, and creativity, to leadership, adaptability, and the ability to battle stress. Some of the things we were not  _outright_ tested in were stealth, ambition, loyalty, and self-preservation.

Our files were pretty thick from just a few weeks of exams, reports, and instructors' remarks. As things went further along, our numbers dropped from over 2,000 to slightly under 800. It brought each soldier under more scrutiny than before.

It was hard work that would have been made more bearable by comrades. But I was never the best at making friends. The army was no different. No one was overtly hostile towards me, but I got strange looks, and people were not keen to converse with me.

I did not mind. 

After all, one of the tenants of the army was  _strength in isolation_. I believe this is what garnered my instructor’s attention. I was taken into the guide’s hall and the headmaster was waiting for me.

He was a big man. Hardened by battle.

“Kaldur’ahm of Shayeris. Have a seat.”

I was nervous. I knew I was not in any trouble, but I was worried that I would be told to try and make other’s acquaintance.  _Too much_  separation was not a good thing.

“Your file has been brought to my attention many times since your arrival.”

I waited with baited breath.

“It says here you are interested in magic, but willing to be a soldier. I have looked over your results and you are progressing admirably. My concern is this: you score high in the ability to lead, but low in ambition. Why do you think that is?”

I took a few moments to gather my thoughts. I had no desire to be remembered as the youth who stumbled over his words.

“Because I aim to be a soldier Great Elder. I have no designs on becoming a general. A soldier’s duty is to follow, and a general’s to lead.”

He raised a brow.

“Very well put. Here is what we are suggesting to you. Your next courses will be geared toward a General’s position. You will be tested and tried in battle simulations, advanced tactics, ethics, and civic responsibility.”

I was not sure how to respond and told him as much.

“Young soldier, you will have a promising career in the military. Maybe even a royal guard for Annex Orin. And if you should succeed there, you could surely train in the Royal Academy of the Arts. There is no greater honor for a student of Magic.”

“I would be honored Great Elder.”

When I got back to my room, which I shared with 19 others, I was quickly surrounded. It was very different for me. I was not used to having so many people vying for my attention.

“So what did he want?”

“Are you being sent home?”

“Do not be stupid. He is at the top of our class.”

“If he is being sent home, then I have  _no_  hope of ever graduating.”

“Are you being promoted?”

I was bombarded with question after question. Most were answered by other people. They finally calmed down enough to actually  _listen_.

“I am not being sent home. I was told that my work load would slightly increase. Nothing more.”

I could tell they did not fully believe me, but no one was close enough to me to push the issue. They had to take my word for it.

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For the next two weeks I felt like I was getting little to no sleep. From the time we were required to eat to the time we were required to sleep, I was working. I had my normal work on top of my advanced classes.

I had papers, lectures, field training, debate, ethics, and meditation.

It was lonely.

I had no comrades and my work isolated me further from the others. The only thing that changed was the level of respect I got.

 I was respected me from a distance, but no one was friendly to me.

It only made me have to work harder to keep that respect. It was a heavy burden to bear with no one to help shoulder it.

I was grateful for our break. We all got to go home if we chose to.

Shayeris had not changed. I guess 7 months is not enough for a big change.

My parents were as supportive as ever.

I had come bearing good news.

“The army has taken charge of my expenses.”

They were both shocked. The army had only ever chosen 4 soldiers before me to finance their education so soon into training.

We went out to celebrate. It was a buffet style restaurant. You go into a small separate room and your table is filled with seafood. You eat right off of the table. It is messy, and yet stimulating all the same.

My stay was not very long. My parent’s seemed disheartened that I had not acquired any friends. They were proud of my accomplishments, but they did not want me to be alone so much. Even at home I had no  _real_  friends. I knew a few of the neighbors’ children, and they came by to ask me about the army, but that was that. I had not met Tula or Garth until my final year in the army.

When I got back to base, I was surprised to find how  _much_  I missed home. I was fine that morning. I guess seeing all of the other youths running around sharing stories, complaining about their old friends who seemed so  _childish_  now, whining about their nagging parents, and bragging about their new gifts got to me.

I had no one to do any of those things with, and it hurt.

My countenance had fallen. I found myself going through the motions.

It took a week for everything to fall back into place. The class was down to 517. Some people went home and decided to stay. Being separated from your family at such a young age is hard to do. Not everyone is capable of sticking it out.

After winning a grant to continue in the army my parents had one less thing to worry about. They sent me letters quite often. They got me through many hard times.

I was managing until we started Battle Simulations.

Battle simulations were the hardest things I ever had to do. They were not meant to be won, just to be learned from. It was difficult to grasp that I was getting better when all I got was criticism from my instructors.

Improvement was no longer tangible.

I was really down about it. My superiors took notice and sent me to the mind healers.

I stayed there for 3 days and was taught ways to cope with constructive criticism. I was reminded several times that I  _was_  improving, that each battle was testing something different. It was not about winning, but learning how to make the best of all situations and adapting to changes. It gave my instructors a peek into my head about how I would handle a real life battle.

With that knowledge, deep meditation, and a much needed break, I was back to my daily program.

I returned to battle stimulations and poured myself into my studies with new vigor. It was around my 8th month into the army that things really took a turn for the worse.

It became apparent that I was not going to make any friends. Everyone was already sectioned into groups. The best I could do was study groups and briefs with my team after a mock battle, a debate, or a lecture.

It was not the same as having friends, but at least I was interacting with my peers. For a few moments I was one of them.

I started to stand out more and more to my instructors and trainers. The instructors were called by their respective titles and names. The trainers however, were simply given numbers and titles. Such as Debate Formalities Trainer 672. We never knew their names, and more importantly were they came from.

It helped keep things unbiased by eliminating the commonality of home towns and the like. Atlanteans were ethnically proud.

A few trainers began to take me under their wing. I thought this would breed resentment in my peers, but it had not. They had all assumed I was being trained for a General position by then and that all the attention was a part of my work load.

It was not.

I should have noticed things were off. The trainers were attempting to fill the friend position, not one of a mentor. I knew they should not be fraternizing with me on such a personal level but I was  _so_  tired of being alone.

My own fault.

Debate Formalities Trainer 672, Morality of Ethics Trainer 323, History of Atlantean Military Trainer 401, and Diplomatic Public Speaking Trainer 111 really spent a lot of time with me.

They gave me inside information on what the army was looking for if I wanted to advance, I received extra tutelage in their subjects after class, I got personalized help in my studies, and they would sneak me in treats from the trainer’s mess hall.

I was basking in their attention. I wanted to be included in things outside of my work and they were filling that need.

We got so familiar with each other that they broke one of the most important rules and told me their names.

Kordax of Tritonian, Arion of Poseidonis, Dardanus of Merma, and Topo of Dyss.

I could see why it was a rule to keep your name to yourself. I was wary of Topo since I learned he was from Dyss. Shayeris and Dyss had a civil war for 7 years over territorial rights. Annex Orin claimed Shayeris the victor. I thought he would hold a grudge against me, but he assured me he would not. He was an open minded man who did not " _hold a child accountable for the foolishness of adults."_

I felt comfortable with them and they took advantage of it. 

Dardanus was the most forthcoming. He told me that he wanted to go over one of my essays about the Battle of Tyton from the era of Mermaids, and why my outlook was too narrow to blame the people of Octopi for the majority of the battle.

This was not unusual. I required little sleep and was more than eager to learn of our history.

When I got there, we went over my paper. Halfway through arguing my side, Dardanus slid awfully close to me. He laid his hand on my shoulder and talked to me about the finer points of politics and financial sway over the crown. I was uncomfortable for a short while but he seemed so engrossed in teaching me that I looked past it.

I forgot about the hand.

Until he rubbed against my gills.

I hated when people tried to touch my gills. It was uncommon for non-fish like Atlanteans to have gills. People saw them and wanted to touch them to see if they were real. It was an extremely popular fad to have fake gills tattooed on.

I pushed away from him and stood up.

“Please refrain from doing that.”

He was quick to apologize and insisted that his hand had slipped. That it was an accident. I believed him. Like an idiot I believed him. He talked with his hands and often got animated about his subject. It was not hard to believe that he got caught up in his story now.

I sat back down.

He did not put his hand back on my shoulder or neck, but they somehow found their way to my knee. It was a platonic touch to be sure, but it felt heavy.

The conversation was stiff even though he attempted to revive it. I wanted to leave but did not know how to without seeming rude.

I was not really listening anymore, but the sudden hand on my crotch shook me out of my thoughts.

Before I could move away he was upon me. He was kissing my gills and rubbing himself against me.

My heart clenched in fear. My throat closed up. I stayed still.

“Shhh. Durahm. This will not hurt. I do not endeavor to hurt you. I would never.”

His hand slipped into my uniform and tears came to my eyes. His hand was on my most private of parts. My parents gave me this talk. About good touches and bad ones. They told me I could tell them anything. Never to be ashamed to ask for help. To say no. Even though I knew all of this, I did nothing. I was frozen in fear.

“Beautiful.”

He looked even more wild now. Atlantean’s do not typically have tear ducts. It was rare to see someone cry. I found my voice.

“Elder Dardanus. Please stop. I do not want this.”

“You will learn to. Do not deny me this Durahm. Accept my gift please.”

He kept rubbing me and seemed frustrated when nothing happened.

“That is okay. It will happen later. You will learn to love this. You are just too tense right now. Try to relax.”

I tried to push him off of me but he had me pinned and was much heavier than me.

“Such beautiful skin. So  _dark_. So  _soft_. Do not cry.”

He started grunting and stopped rubbing against me.

“See. That did not hurt. It did not. You are fine. Stop with the tears now.”

He was hugging me awkwardly and I attempted to run.

He tightened his grip.

“Durahm you must not overreact. Did I hurt you?”

Spelled out Durahm has no meaning, but phonetically, Durahm means my heart. It is why people tell me Kaldur instead. I was confused. I was not in physical pain, but my heart was heavy.

I shook my head no.

“Exactly. I only did this because I thought you would enjoy it too. You seem so lonely all of the time. I know how it is. I had a hard time making friends when I was your age too. I just wanted to show you that someone cared. Okay?”

I was not so sure I believed him, but he sounded so sincere. And truthfully I was not in any pain. I was more startled than anything.

“I did not like it. Can we refrain from doing  _that_  again?”

I wanted so badly for things to return to normal, but in my heart I knew they would not.

Dardanus merely looked at me.

Before I knew it his lips were on mine. I stood still. Waiting to be let go.

“You will learn to like it Durahm.”

I am not sure what it says about me that I froze up. Remained incapacitated. It appeared that Battle Simulations did not accurately reflect my ability to handle stressful situations. 

I did not act quickly. I was frightened. Maybe ambition is not the only thing I lacked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to take a look at my other works.
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT & LEAVE KUDOS
> 
> #YJS3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a back and forth between mentor & protégé. Will Kaldur submit to telling his parents?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same warnings apply. Please read the tags.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice or its characters.  
> I worked really hard on this chapter. Switching between people is hard for me but here it is. 
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS ALSO FIXED NOW

 

 

*****Present Day*****

 

**Batman’s POV**

Hearing Kaldur’s cries outside of the door made everything that more real. For one so young, Kaldur was known to put his feelings on the back burner. He rarely smiled, hardly laughed, and was not prone to sharing his problems.

Aquaman was talking too low to make out words. I just hoped he could convinced Kaldur to tell his parents. They would have to be told, but it would be easier if Kaldur was on board.

This was a problem that would have to be dealt with properly. The Justice League was not known for stepping in with personal problems unless it started to affect the member's work, but this was different.

Kaldur’ahm, for all his polite gestures and mature characteristics, was still a child. It is easy to ignore the fact that he's still so young. He has the most restraint on the team and is the one they often turn to for advice. Whether they knew they were doing it or not. Sometimes they asked him outright, but other times they found him when he was training alone and subtly got his attention. 

Even Dick has sought his counsel.

Dick.

I had to get to the cave. I text Alfred to let him know I might be late. I needed time to think. I needed to talk to Dick to ease my own fears. I just had to be careful not to give anything away.

This was Kaldur’s story to tell.

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_Bruce_. Not Batman. I needed to be Bruce right now. I walked into the Great Room and found him watching a movie.

Without the mask and uniform, Dick looked his age. 13.

Just 13.

He was looking at me with those deep blue eyes. Despite everything he’s seen, everything he’s done, he manages to still be optimistic.

“Hey Bruce.”

I grunt in acknowledgement. He doesn’t hold it against me. He never does.

“Is everything okay? Did you get the information you were looking for?” 

He wasn't really asking me I know. It was more of a formality than anything. He wasn't even looking up at me. 

I didn’t want him asking questions about the interrogation so I just jumped to what I wanted to talk to him about.

“Let’s sit down Dick.”

His demeanor changed in seconds. I was the one who taught him that. To stay on guard, to be ready to fight whenever. I just wished it didn’t make him seem so old. Kids shouldn’t be like that. He was only 13.

At 13 I was…well…I was a  _flirt_. I had a new  _girlfriend_  every week, and I ran Alfred up the walls with my attitude. I guess I could be screwing him up worse.

“I know this team is important to you. I know how loyal you are to the cause. But if you ever need time to yourself. Time off. Time to work through things let me know okay?”

“What’s this about?”

I knew he wouldn’t give me a simple answer.

“The job. Because that’s what it is. A job. You have the right to take off of work sometimes.”

“But you said that-”

“I know. And that still holds true. There will  _always_  be crime. But you can’t stop all of them.”

“Do you think I should take a break?”

He looked a little nervous. I held his stare.

“That’s not what I’m saying Dick. I just want you to know that it’s  _okay_  to need a break. Everyone does.”

“Okaaaay.”

He was trying to read me. Understand what I was really trying to say. Usually he was good at it, but tonight he couldn't have possibly guessed. 

“Dick.  _Richard_. Listen. You can tell me  _anything_. I don’t care how silly or serious you think it is okay? I want you to know that I will  _always_  be in your corner.”

I could tell he still wasn’t taking me seriously. He thought this was just another sentimental Bruce moment. When I would tow the line between Batman and  _sort-of_  father.

“Even if it embarrasses you?”

“Yes. I’ll get over it. And if you don’t feel comfortable telling me, tell Alfred.”

He sat up straighter and just looked at me.

“Promise me Dick.”

“I promise.”

“Dick.”

“I promise. If I ever need help or am in trouble, I’ll tell you or Alfred.”

“Okay. That’s all I ask. Get some sleep.”

“But I thought we were going to patrol tonight.”

“I’m tired. Gotham will still be here tomorrow.”

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

Kaldur is refusing to make eye contact. It had been over an hour and he still had not released the names. He continued vainly trying to force my hand into not telling his parents. 

He is determined. It is one of the things that make him such an effective soldier. But now his determination is misplaced.

“Kaldur’ahm. I cannot keep this from your parents. I know you may be feeling shame” he dipped his head lower, “and fear, but your parents will be there for you. They will want to know.”

He just shook his head.

I sat next to him.

It was taking a lot of will power to not command him to tell me. To tell him that this was for his own good, but I did not want to send the wrong message.

I wanted him to  _trust_  me to help him.

“Kaldur. Will you at least tell me what happened?”

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I have never kept anything from my parents except this.

They would not understand. They are good people. Too good.

They would blame themselves for not knowing. Even though I was careful to hide the truth.

They would not dare entertain the thought that their precious son was the one who let this thing go on.

The one who knew it was wrong and still did it anyways.

The one who did not want his parents to be burdened by a debt that was not their own even though I knew they would gladly undertake it.

I know my king  _believes_  he would be helping me, but he would not.

I made him an offer. A generous one in my opinion. I would tell him  _everything_ , even the most  _shameful_  parts, if he would only spare my parents.

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

“Kaldur'ahm. Anything you tell me will not be told to your team. But your parents are another matter. I know you do not wish to hurt them, but they will want to help you as much as we.”

His voice was low and steady when he replied.

“It has been  _years_. I have been Aqualad for 3 years now. In all that time,  _no one_ questioned my ability to lead  _or_  follow orders. No one worried that I was not capable of handling myself. This was  _before_  anyone knew. If I was fine then, I fail to see what help I could possibly need now.”

I was stricken.

We had stopped the tape, and so he does not know how much more was said.

He did not hear about the  _hands_ , the  _nightmares_ , the  _kisses_ , the  _humiliation_ , the  _treachery_.

The man said Kaldur would have night terrors. Night terrors so severe that the mind healers thought it was due to some latent psychosis. For being introduced to violence so young.

They were not completely wrong.

Kaldur did not hear the man describe how they would press his face to the ocean floor and  _take turns_  on his prepubescent body. How they would not  _stop_  until he pretended to like it and  _begged_  them to continue.

Kaldur did not hear about being forced to his knees in the  _hallway_  where  _anyone_ could have happened by.

No. Kaldur needed to release these demons and heal completely. He needed to be a person first, not a soldier.

I had to get him to tell me the truth.

I had to force him into a corner so to speak.

I spoke as steady as he had.

“Do you recall the night terrors? He said it was  _four_  of them” I  _had_  to do this “he said he made you beg" this would help him in the end "Forced you to do things you did not want. Made you-”

He began shaking his head. His eyes widened. His breath became shallow. He clenched his hands into fists.

His voice was so low I had to scoot closer to hear.

“My king…these are things I do not  _wish_  to remember. Things I have put behind be. I got better. I started eating again. The dreams stopped. I am better now. I do not wish to remember. The things he said…They are true. I did terrible  _shameful_  things.”

His voice was shaky and small. I made a mental note about him eating.

“So  _shameful_. It is these parts, that I wish to keep from my parents. I cannot tell them that I  _begged_. I cannot tell them that… that…that sometimes it did not  _hurt_. It was  _okay_.”

He was crying again. Just tears. No sobbing. No heaving. He was emotionally drained.

“I can not go to them and tell them how many times I lied when they asked if I was okay. If I was eating enough. If I was making friends. I cannot look at them and let them know that their son was  _weak_. That I knew they would help and I  _still_  did not confide in them. They will feel a betrayal deeper than my shame. I beg you Annex Orin-”

I put one hand on his shoulder and used the other one to tilt his head up.

“You do not need to beg me son. You never need to beg me. I understand. You do not have to tell them  _everything_. Maybe you will change your mind about that one later, but they should know the basics. That is all I ask. No more. You do not have to give… _specifics_.”

His resolve was broken.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

There is so  _much_  that I have kept hidden. For good reason.

I did not tell him of the time Topo gave me a gill infection.

When he would take his pleasure from my mouth force me to  _swallow_. His essence would seep out of my gills and my throat always seemed like something was stuck in it. There was buildup and I had to go to the healers for a week due to breathing problems.

I did not tell him of the time Kordax used me just outside of the bunk rooms while everyone slept.

He was forceful. I could not cry out. I was too close to my comrade-in-arms. If they were to hear and walk out to see me being disgraced. I do not know how I would have survived. I had trouble doing simple actions like sitting and combat stretching. My stats fell that week.

I did not tell him of the time Arion dislocated my collar bone.

He had me on top. I hated that the most. I could not just sit still and wait until it was over. I had to  _move_. He would not let me sit looking away from him. I had to  _straddle_ him. It always made me feel so young and vulnerable. My feet never touched the ground. I was only 11 then. Almost a foot shorter than I was currently.

 That particular day Arion was more energetic than usual. We were at his desk. He left his office door open. He liked the possibility of being caught. He pushed my neck back too hard and my collar bone hit the edge of the desk. It shifted out of place. I tried to cry, but the pain made me pass out. He told the healers my midnight training got rough.

I did not tell him of the time Dardanus had me crawl to him before offering my mouth.

He pushed me to my knees. I was used to it by then. I made to remove his tunic, but he stopped me and pushed me onto all fours. He told me to stay put. I did. He went across the room and made me crawl to him. I counted the shells I passed. Anything to take my mind off of this demeaning act. When I made it over to him he pushed his way into my mouth and  _thanked_  me for being so  _good_.

There were  _many_  things I did not say. Like the time Topo took me to his room after a night terror and put his mouth on me. I was embarrassed. I hated to think about that day.

There was a time Kordax found me after a particularly difficult ethics debate that I lost and used his hand on me. He did not make me do anything back. 

There was the time Dardanus was gentle. He did not make me beg. He used a  _lubricant_  first. I made shameful noises and he only thanked me for a good time. 

There was the time Arion just kissed me. I told him I did not want to do anything that day and he acquiesced.

How could I tell him of 4 years of abuse in one night?

What parts did I leave out?

Which parts were the most important?

It was these things I feared my parents finding out.

With the promise that I did not have to give  _specifics_  I told him we could tell my parents.

“What if they ask questions? I do not wish to lie anymore.”

He just looked relieved that I was willing to tell them. In truth I had believed that he would just command me to tell them. 

I would not have disobeyed. 

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

I was relieved. Kaldur had agreed to confide in his parents. That was a great burden off of my shoulders. I did not wish to go against him in this. We needed to be on the same page.

“What if they ask questions? I do not wish to lie anymore.”

This was a question I could answer.

“You do not have to lie Kaldur. There is a way to tell them and not go into specifics. Set boundaries. Tell them that you do not wish to delve into details, but that there is something you must tell them. They will understand.”

He slightly nodded his head.

“When?”

“We can wait a few days. You have been through a lot today. I want to see how you sleep. We can zeta there in the night. We will not run into anyone except the guards.”

He looked grateful. If someone stopped us they would want to know why we were there. It was none of their business.

I would, of course, have to look into Shayeris’ army branch and see if there were any other victims. I am most certain there are. I am  _not_  certain I will tell Kaldur though. He would only blame himself.

“You have been very brave today Kaldur. You did not have to tell me these things, but I am honored you consider me worthy enough to bear them.”

He managed to look at me.

“I have their names.”

He hesitated for a second and looked at me.

"Do you promise I will not have to reveal specifics?"

He looked his age just then. When he was silently gauging if I was being serious about my earlier statements.

I would be there for him however he needed me.

Before he could change his mind I nodded my head in encouragement.

“Kordax of Tritonian, Arion of Poseidonis, Dardanus of Merma, and Topo of Dyss. Dardanus is the one we have captured.”

I gave him a gentle smile. I am sure it was pitiful to behold. 

“Thank you Kaldur’ahm. You have been exceptional today. We should retire for the night.”

“I do not believe I can sleep.”

He sounded embarrassed.

“That is fine. You do not have to force yourself. Just try. Your body needs rest. You have no assignments tomorrow.”

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

As much as I wanted this talk to end, I knew the night terrors would come. It had been years since I had one about my time in the army.

We got up to exit the briefing room.

I briefly wondered if I would ever see this room the same.

I was surprised Batman was not outside of the door. I was also very thankful.

Just as I predicted. The night terrors came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t forget to leave COMMENTS


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaldur doesn’t sleep so well. The League meet up for the first time since the incident.
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS ALSO NOW FIXED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same warnings apply. Please read the tags.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice or its characters.
> 
> I worked really hard on this chapter.
> 
> PLEASE don’t forget to leave COMMENTS. They keep me going.

**Kaldur'ahm's POV**

I do not believe the appropriate word for what I have is  _dreams_. They are memories. Dark memories.

I slept in Aquaman's quarters on his couch.

He insisted I use his bed but I told him I was uncomfortable with that.

He got a sad look on his face and said he was only a room away if I needed him.

I would do my best to  _not_  need him.

I am here to help protect the surface-dwellers as well as aid my king. It would not look right for me to seek solace over emotional phantoms.

**Aquaman's POV**

I offered Kaldur'ahm the use of my bed while I took the couch. I wanted him to be comfortable. In hindsight, I should have known better. I should have anticipated that he would not feel comfortable in another's bed.

While Kaldur retrieved his things, I sent Batman and Superman the information he had given me. I let them know that Kaldur had agreed to consult with his parents. I also added a footnote to ask them to covertly monitor his eating habits.

I could not have him down trodden  _and_  malnourished.

Knowing my charge, he would try to sleep, and if unsuccessful he would opt to stay awake. I planned on staying awake regardless. I wanted to be there if he had need of me.

I would not fail him again.

**Kaldur'ahm's POV- dream**

_Heat. Searing heat._

_My gill infection had gotten worse. I attempted to hide it, but I began to lose my voice. It was getting harder to eat and to breathe._

_My gills were trying to filter water and it felt like I was only pulling in air._

_I was slowly drowning. Ironic._

_The corners of my gills were crusted. If I picked at it, puss would form. I tried to keep them clean but Topo made it nearly impossible._

_It got so bad that one morning I awoke to half of my neck swollen. One of my bunk mates called for the nearest trainer. He rushed me to the healers and our bunk was quarantined. They thought it was contagious._

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_In the healer's office I was given seaweed._

_Any other time I would have gladly accepted it, but with a gill infection seaweed burns. Severely._

_"Because your condition is so advanced we will have to have you ingest the seaweed and use wraps for the outside. We would usually let you choose, but in your advanced state, you require both."_

_She was not unkind._

_She made me drink two shots of pure seaweed extract. I could not enjoy the taste for the burning._

_She ground dried seaweed and added an antibacterial additive. She spread this on wet seaweed strips and wrapped it around my neck._

_The pain was unbearable._

_I was coughing and trying to remove the wraps. An aide came in and they held me down. I know this was for my own good but the **pain**._

_It was **unbearable**._

_I screamed. Or tried to. My throat would not cooperate. The buildup of Topo's essence, they thought it was phlegm, fell away from the back of my throat and made its way up my esophagus._

_The choking was enough to make me wheeze._

_One particularly hard cough made me scream in agony._

 

**Aquaman's POV**

Aqualad had fallen into a fitful sleep an hour ago. So far he only seemed mildly bothered. When his breathing started to pick up I sat on the edge of my bed. I wanted to wait to see if he would calm down on his own. No need to embarrass him with my presence if he was not actually having a night terror.

" _Aaaaaaaaah!"_

Kaldur's screams sent me into a frenzy. I threw open the door and knelt beside him. His webbed hands were clinging to the left side of his neck. I attempted to shake him awake but he would not cooperate.

I tilted him up and got behind him. His head was on my shoulder. I rubbed his back until he slowly came awake.

Even with his coloring I could see his cheeks get darker. It was not my intention to disconcert him. I only wanted to help. He was not crying, but his eyes were suspiciously red.

"Kaldur. Your neck. Is there something that ails you?"

He sat up a little and only shook his head.

"Bad dream?"

He nodded.

"Would you like to talk to me about it?"

"It is fine-"

He dropped his head in defeat.

"You can tell me whatever you like Kaldur. Or you can tell me nothing. I will sit here until you want me to leave."

**Kaldur'ahm's POV**

The only time I have ever told anyone about my feelings was Black Canary, and that was after the simulation.

I had a hard time that week. When Batman told us what we were going to be doing, I wanted so badly to object, but in the end I could not.

The simulation ended poorly. Just like my old battle simulations had.

I told Black Canary only very little of what I was feeling. She was content and I left it at that.

With Aquaman, it was harder to tell him anything. But if I could not even tell  _him_ , I would certainly never be able to face my  _parents_.

_Be brave son._

How many times had my parents told me that? To be brave, face my problems head on?

"My gills are fine. I was just reminded of when I had an infection years ago."

He just looked at me patiently.

I made myself not cry. I had cried enough for one night.

"My gills. Once I got an infection. It was painful. I dreamed about the seaweed treatment."

"I see."

He sounded unsure. He could not tell if I was being truthful or not. That hurt a little.

I wanted to lie but there was no point. He could see I was miserable.

"Topo. He..." I looked away " _used_  my mouth."

I made myself continue.

"I was made to swallow. Some of it built up around the sides of my throat. I got an infection in my gills as a result. It was painful. I could not talk. I could not drink. I could not breathe. Sorry for waking you."

He pulled me into a hug.

I was not going to cry.

I was not going to cry.

**Aquaman's POV**

I am going to  _personally_  kill him. The law be damned.

I cannot erase the mental image of a scared and confused 11-year-old Kaldur. Willing to die before he told anyone of his pain.

"It is alright. You did not wake me."

I just hugged him tighter. I gently swayed with him. It was not quite rocking. I did this until his breathing slowed down.

"I will help you through this Kaldur. You do not have to do this alone. If you ever have need of me do not hesitate to wake me. I am a light sleeper. It will be nothing to get up."

He mumbled something.

"What is that?"

His voice was a bit firmer.

"How? How can I say these words to them? My mouth almost did not allow me to speak them to you."

He did not need to tell me who them was.

"Say whatever comes to mind."

"Will you be there when I tell them? If I cannot...will you fill them in on the rest?"

His eyes were pleading.

I was surprised that he wanted me there. I would have thought he would want to do this alone. Me and his mother are on civil terms, but I am still the one who qualified her use of magic.

She has not forgotten that. If I had not taken away her right to practice, she would have more than likely trained Kaldur'ahm herself. In that case, he would not have had to join the army. None of this would have ever happened.

But I would not let this stop me from helping Kaldur'ahm in the present.

"If you want me to be there I will. If you need me to tell them anything I will do that too. Trust yourself Kaldur. You have a good head on your shoulders. You will do fine. There is no one right way to go about this. Just comfort yourself with the truth that your parents love you. Will you be okay for the night? Do you need anything?"

He shook his head no. But he did ask me to leave the table lamp on. He insisted he just needed time to think.

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**Superman's POV**

"Did he say anything else last night?"

This was from Batman.

I wanted to keep it to myself but that would help no one. Least of all Kaldur.

"He had more...  _stories_  to tell. They were very  _explicit_. Very vulgar."

Everyone in the room looked sick. Aquaman, Black Canary, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman, Flash and Batman.

_Bang_.

Aquaman beat his fists on the table.

"This man does not deserve to breathe the air in his lungs. Let me take him back to Atlantis and be done with it."

"Arthur-" I tried to reason with him.

" _No_! You have no idea. You heard  _Dardanus_  say what he did, but you did  _not_  have to console a  _child_  while he tried to insist that he was fine when he was clearly not. This man will face justice. It will be swift and sure."

I did not try to object again. It is not that I think the man is innocent or deserves mercy or anything, I just don't want anyone to get comfortable taking the law into their own hands.

**Green Lantern's POV**

I wish I could have gotten the rotten bastard better than I did.

"I agree with Aquaman. He literally confessed. It's open and closed. He is Atlantean. Let him handle it."

**Black Canary's POV**

Before anyone could agree or disagree with Green Lantern I stepped in.

"I have worked with Kaldur closely for months now. He has a tendency to take blame for things out of his control. He will want this man to face justice, but not outside of proper procedures."

Kaldur'ahm is a creature of rules, order, and balance.

"If we just send him to his death, which I would be completely okay with in this case, he will be hurt. This is not about Dardanus  _or_  us. It is about Kaldur. I caution you all to remember that."

That seemed to ease some of the tension in the room. Even Aquaman took a deep breath.

**Aquaman's POV**

"The truth is: I do not believe I  _can_  be objective about this. The man is certainly guilty, but Kaldur is like a son to me. I care not for this Dardanus' life.  _At all_."

**Superman's POV**

I cleared my throat.

"He said there was more than one of them. I know Kaldur verified this, but are we going to go find these other men too? From what he had to say, another of the men,  _Kordax_ , is also in Black Manta's ranks. How do we even go about getting him?"

**Aquaman's POV**

"I had someone look into these men. Topo has been swiftly removed and given false assignments to keep him unsuspecting. I have opened a private investigation to see if there were any more... _victims_. The other, Arion, has already retired. He resides in Poseidonis and comes from a family of wealth and prestige. Their crimes are punishable by death."

Everyone just waited for me to continue.

"Arion will be harder to get.  _Politics_. The crown is more than a little indebted to Poseidonis. They have the highest amount of soldiers from their homes. If we do not play this right, we could be looking at a civil war. He is a well connected man and has the treasury behind him. We cannot simply go  _get_  him. He is at the head of his clan and has been for 2 years now."

This was not met well.

Batman jumped in.

**Batman's POV**

Great. Politics. Money. The threat of war. All because one man had enough power to make others in power turn away.

"I am familiar with politics. We can sit down later and form a plan. For now, we should focus on Kaldur. How much of this do we let him in on?"

Aquaman sighed.

"I would say as much as he wants to be, but I do not believe he can handle it right now. He did not sleep well last night. He refused food this morning. He does not think he will be able to keep it down. We should tell him the basics. If he asks anything more than that, we tell him."

That is sound reasoning.

**Wonder Woman's POV**

"I cannot wrap my head around this. I have seen child soldiers before, but was no one looking after his well being?"

Aquaman looked offended.

"That is the problem. They are looked after. By the trainers. They have to go through rigorous background checks. I understand how Arion slipped through the cracks, but the others were clean as well. They paid their stately taxes every year, no odd payments, no criminal activity until now, and not a bad word about any of them. There was nothing that would rise  _anyone's_  suspicion."

I found it hard to accept this. Man's world was a dark one indeed.

"Except for the fact that their history's were  _too_  clean."

**Black Canary's POV**

"I understand where everyone is coming from but Diana, I think what Aquaman is trying to say is that not all bad men  _appear_  bad. It's not uncommon for upstanding citizens to be guilty of the most heinous of crimes. This has happened before and will happen again. Kal-"

Superman put up his hand to stop us from talking. He tilted his head towards the door. After a moment Kaldur walked in.

**Kaldur'ahm's POV**

I listened outside of the door for a few minutes until I gasped a little too loudly. No doubt Superman heard me. If the sudden silence was anything to go by.

_Be brave son. Be brave. Be brave._

I walked into the room. I did not have quite enough courage to lift my head. The room was so....dry. I needed water  _now_.

"Kaldur'ahm are you okay?"

Aquaman crossed the room to me. He walked me to one of the chairs. I was the only one sitting. Some were looking at me and others at invisible spots on the floor.

I was out of my depth here.

I do not know why I came in at all. I could have walked away. No one would have faulted me for that. But I came in anyways. I wanted to know what was going to happen. I did not want this made public.

Aqualad was a public figure in Atlantis.

To be  _defiled_  like this. Maybe in a few generations Aqualad would only be a symbol, but for now, Aqualad and Kaldur'ahm were one in the same.

Everyone who knew Aqualad knew me. I was akin to a celebrity.

This could not be made public. This needed to be handled  _quietly_.

If people found out that Aqualad was hurt in this manner, they might force the King's hand into removing me from my position.

Maybe some of it is that I am ashamed. But Aquaman said I had the right to feel whatever I needed to. I am choosing to trust him in his assessment.

"Water. I need water."

The room erupted in movement.

Green Lantern was the first to get me a bottle. After he handed it to me he did not seem sure what to do with his hands. He stepped back behind Canary.

**Aquaman's POV**

I was ashamed. I do not not how much Kaldur heard. He walked into the room looking very faint. He needed water.

After he guzzled down the bottle the room was quiet still. Some were waiting for him to talk and others were battling if they should be the one to break the silence. Kaldur decided for us.

"Gratitude...For the water."

He seemed a little shy. More reserved than usual.

"No problem." Green Lantern was just as awkward.

"Kaldur'ahm...we were not sure how much you wanted to know."

"It is okay. I should not have been eavesdropping."

There were choruses of

_"No, **we**  should have been careful", "you have  **every**  right to be here", and " **we** apologize!"_

"Kaldur, it is as I said yesterday. You have  _nothing_  to apologize for. If you want to know something, just ask. I will tell you. Is this amenable to you?"

He took his time answering. No one could say he did not think things through.

"It is. Can we speak to my parent's tomorrow? I do not wish to prolong this."

That gave me pause.

"Of course. We can Zeta to Atlantis and use seahorses to pull us the rest of the way. It will attract less attention."

He simply nodded his head.

Canary stepped up to Kaldur and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I would like to talk to you later on Kaldur. Is that okay?"

He nodded again. Kaldur'ahm was a smart child, he probably suspected he would have to speak with Canary anyways. It was a good sign.

Batman cleared his throat and dismissed himself. The rest followed. Only Kaldur and myself remained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE don’t forget to leave COMMENTS.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaldur talks to Canary and preps himself to talk to his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same warnings apply. Please read the tags.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice or its characters.  
> PLEASE don’t forget to COMMENT. They keep me going.
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS ALSO FIXED. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND REREADING THIS STORY WITH THE FIXED ADDITIONS.

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

We stayed in the room while my king filled me in. He told me of Arion. How he and Batman would take care of it. I was not so sure they could. Not without consequences.

I did not know how important of a man he was, but I knew he had an ample supply of funds.

It was not uncommon for him to lavish me with gifts and trips.

I wanted so  _badly_  to refuse them but, if I did, the others would want to know  _why_.

Who would pass up the chance to see Clam Stadium, to meet  _the_  Kovin of Merma, to train with the royal guards for 2 weeks as an apprentice before you even graduated? No one. The other soldiers-in-training would have jumped at the opportunity. Their interest would have been piqued at my refusal to go. I could not have that.

But I could hardly  _appreciate_  the  _gifts_. For what is a gift not freely given but a trap?

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

“You should eat Kaldur.”

“I know.”

“Have you tried since breakfast?”

“I have not.”

“Are you hungry?”

“I am not.”

I managed to hold in a sigh.

“Your team has no assignments until further notice. I suggest you take this time to focus on yourself.”

His head quickly snapped to mines. His eyes possessed an anger that was not common to him.

“Do you believe me incapable of leading this team after all?”

Underneath his anger was fear.

“That is not it Kaldur’ahm. I only wish to give you time to sort things out.”

He took a few moments before responding. And when he did, it was in a steely tone.

“I hope you will not find offence to what I am about to say my king, but I will be fine without your  _assistance_. I have done it once before. I do not  _require_  therapy with Black Canary. These things happened quite some time ago. I am not as weak as I was then. I am a skilled warrior now, if you will pardon my forwardness. No one suspected-”

I  _had_  to stop him.

There were several problems with what he was saying.

“You were not weak Kaldur. You are not weak now either. What you have done is bury your feelings and bottle them. I do not have to tell you how detrimental that is. As for no one suspecting, I wish they had. I wish you had not have had to have gone through this. You did nothing wrong.”

He seemed even  _more_  angry.

“I did! I did  _everything_  wrong. I was at the top of my classes. Had the best scores. The most debates won, but I never managed to feel  _adequate_  enough. I was always trying to be  _better_. Not for myself, but for  _them_. That is pathetic. I wanted to be so good, that they would leave me alone. To be someone so good that they would not  _want_  to hurt me. Because only a fool would ruin a good thing.”

I had to gather my thoughts on that one. It appears to me that he has a low self-esteem.

It is an easy thing to overlook from someone who excels at everything. Kaldur’ahm is not a proud person. He takes pride in his work, but he is not proud. 

He shares the success of his missions and takes all the blame for the failures. This is what makes him a great leader. 

It is also why he does not want the position. Not because he believes there is someone better suited for the job, but that he is not worthy of the title.

He told me as much.

Being leader is hard and lonely. Those under you look to you for guidance, but who do you look to?

“Kaldur. I believe I am out of my depth here. In my earnest opinion, I would speak to Black Canary. She has training in these particular matters. I am sorry I can not be of more help to you, but as your guardian on the surface I will do my best.”

He just looked anxious.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I had not meant to be short with Aquaman. But it had just hit me that the League knows. 

They  _know_. 

If today was any indication to go by, I would  _never_  tell the team. If the League could barely  _look_  at me and no one knew what to say, my team would surely see me differently.

Before I left the army to serve Annex Orin, Kordax and Topo cornered me. They made me swear an oath to never tell anyone what happened. Not that I would be believed. They promised in turn to never tell a soul.

I never imagined it would get out. Why would any of them endanger their own careers?  _I_ was certainly never going to say anything. I was going to take it to my grave. Like I promised I would.

The more I thought about it, the more I thought talking to Canary would not be such a bad thing.

If nothing else, she might be able to give me tips on speaking to my parents and getting more sleep. That is all I can hope for. All I will hope for.

“Forgive me my king. I know you are acting in my best interest. I have the sudden urge to speak to Black Canary. May I be excused? Before I lose the courage?”

Aquaman seemed to relax a little.

“Would you like me to take you there?”

“That will not be necessary.”

“Very well.”

I never remembered it taking so long to get to the door. I walked out into the empty hallway and made a bee line for Canary’s office. The entire time I was thinking about my father. My mother was a different matter. She was kind. She was forgiving. She understood me where others did not.

My father. Calvin. It was just  _different_. He was in the army. Not the Atlantean one, but an army all the same. There was the possibility that he would not understand. I do not believe he would blame me, but he might not forgive me for not telling him.

The difference is distinct.

I knocked on Canary’s door.

She opened it and looked surprised to see me.

“Oh. I was going to call for you.”

“Is this not a good time?” 

I felt foolish. Just because I was ready does not mean she was.

“I can come back-”

“No. Now is fine. I just thought you might want some more time to yourself. Sit. Make yourself comfortable.”

I took the seat furthest from her desk. If she noticed, she did not mention it.

“Gratitude. For seeing me.”

Her eyes looked sad.

Before we could get started Wonder Woman opened the door. She looked slightly worried at my presence.

“Young warrior. Excuse the disruption. I will come back later.”

My nerves were shot.

“It is alright. I can come back at a more prudent time.”

“It’s all well. You were here first. I will take my leave.”

It was just me and Canary again.

 

**Black Canary’s POV**

“Kaldur’ahm, whatever you tell me will stay in here. I take my professional oaths just as seriously as my heroic ones.”

It seemed to put him at ease.  _Slightly_.

“I would like to ask for your…professional opinion on maintaining a positive sleep schedule. I cannot seem to keep the night terrors at bay. They were not as severe as they used to be, but I had 3 of them just last night. I barely managed to escape Aquaman’s attention.”

That was one problem I would have to address. He should not feel like he was burdening Aquaman. If I know Arthur at all, then I know he would  _want_  to be aware of any problems Kaldur was having.

“Kaldur. Before we talk about things that can help you sleep I want to address something you just said.”

He simply nodded at me.

“You should never feel like you are burdening someone because you are telling them how you feel or are asking for help. Least of all Aquaman. He has a duty to you beyond one of king. He is your mentor and friend. He wants to help you. That is the  _least_  he can do. Do you understand?”

“It is not that I feel like he would be burdened, but my problems are burdensome. He should not have to deal with them. If I can solve something on my own, I find it is better to do so.”

Okay. This child has a serious self-sacrificing problem.

“Kaldur'ahm. Problems are  _problematic_  by nature. Everyone has them. Everyone needs help sometimes. You do not have to carry them all on your own. Your family, friends, and loved ones will be willing to help.”

He looked like he wanted to believe me.

“As far as sleeping goes, there is nothing absolute. I can tell you things that are likely to help, but it is not a guarantee that you will sleep soundly.”

“This is acceptable.”

Always so formal. I used to think he was just like that around the adults, but I have walked in several times when he was talking to one of the other kids and his speech is consistent.

“Try to relax before you go to sleep. Do not attempt to just fall asleep. Avoid taking naps. It will only make it harder for you to sleep at night. Also, don’t force it. If you can’t sleep do something relaxing. Maybe take a quick swim until you calm down. Try soothing music like the sound of the ocean. It has been known to have calming effects.”

He was staring at me intently.

Of all of my patients he is the most attentive. He takes all of my advice to heart. Aquaman told me that healers of all kinds in Atlantis are highly favored and respected. Kaldur'ahm himself had an interest in it before he became Aqualad instead.

“I will take your advice.”

“Is there anything else you wanted to talk about? I’m all ears. I want you to feel comfortable telling me anything.”

I did not want to bring up his rape. I was not even sure that is what he considered it. It was important to follow his lead and let him open up to me.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I need to focus on my breathing. I have been overly anxious since this morning. I cannot seem to find a balance.

This could be potentially dangerous to me. I have electricity flowing through my body. Without proper sleep the magic I have in me could backup and I could shut down. 

The army was good at enforcing bed times. 

They were not so good at making sure no one got you out of your bunk.

“It is my parents. My father specifically. He is a good man. Strong.  _Brave_. Fights for what he believes in. He has taught me everything I know.”

I took a deep breath and steadied my voice.

“I am afr-... _concerned_  he will be disappointed in me.”

I rushed to defend my father before she got the wrong idea.

“I do not believe he will blame me for…anything. But there is a chance that he will be upset that I did not tell him. My reasons may not matter to him. How can I ensure that he will forgive me for my betrayal? Even my mother will be hurt that I did not feel I could go to her.”

My hands were clenching and unclenching.

“I know they would have believed me and stepped in, but I still did not tell them. There are things I never want them to know. I do not want them to see me as a different person because of this. I worry things will never be the same.”

 

**Black Canary’s POV**

It is so much harder to be professional with someone you work with. Someone you train on a daily basis.

Batman showed us the video when Aquaman was speaking to Kaldur to determine the validity of the man’s claims. Unfortunately, they were found to be true.

I had to take a few breaths myself.

Kaldur, for all his adult mannerisms, was a child. A child who was afraid that his parents would not completely understand. Would be disappointed in him. My end goal is to get Kaldur to lift all blame from himself. To come to the realization that none of it was his fault.

There are several people he  _could_  blame, but that is not his way. He prefers to accept all responsibility, even if it is not his to bear.

I moved in front of him and took his hands.

“Kaldur. You do not have to push yourself. When and how you decide to tell your parents, do it on your terms. Go to a place  _you_  feel comfortable. Tell them what you want and not anything more. Remember that it is not your fault. You have not betrayed anyone in any way." 

It's imperative I reinforce this statement.

"You don’t control other people’s emotions or reactions. It is okay to cry, get upset, leave, take a break. Whatever you need. This is about you and your comfort.”

He turned away from me.

“Your parents very well may have questions, but based on what you told me of them, they will understand. They may be upset at the situation. Just keep reminding yourself mentally that you are not to blame. When are you planning on talking to them?”

“Tomorrow. I do not want to prolong this. They need to be told so that I can concentrate on other things.”

“Kaldur-”

“I do not wish to think of these dark things for longer than I have to. I lived it for  _years_. There is nothing I do not remember about it. I put it behind me. I want everyone to get to a place where they are not on  _egg shells_  around me either.”

I could not say the word. What is was. I  _know_  what it was, but I do not want to speak it.

I suddenly had enough of talking. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to swim aimlessly and think about nothing. Maybe if I tired myself out, I could sleep tonight.

I stood up to leave.

 

**Black Canary’s POV**

Kaldur’ahm suddenly stood up and made to leave.

“Kaldur, are you okay?”

“I would like to leave now. I have things to think about.”

He left without waiting for me to respond. I can’t say I wasn’t shocked. I know situations like these make people behave out of their norms, but Kaldur was  _always_ so patient.

In any case I will let him work through things alone for now. After all, he did come to me.

I made a note that he avoided saying the word  _rape_  or  _assault_.

I could not be the first person to use these terms. He had to say it first, and when he did I had to reaffirm it once or twice.

I am aware of how males tend to view sexual assault and their masculinity. I am not familiar with Atlantean customs, but I will have to ask Aquaman a few things about their gender roles.

They way he talked about his abuse was somewhat disturbing. He was distancing himself from it. As if he was not the boy it happened to.

Without giving details I had to let the League know the general synopsis of Kaldur’s psyche. They needed to know if he was cleared to do his job and if he was a threat to himself.

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**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

Calvin Durham.

It was not common to name people Jr. or to share their exact name in Atlantis. Atlanteans did not have last names. In order to compromise his culture with ours, my mother made my name a mixture of his first and  _last_  name.

_Kaldur’ahm._

It only brought us closer. It was just one more thing that made us similar.

He was big Cal. I was little Kal. Well, not so little anymore. We were the same height now. He had more muscle definition, but I would get there in due time.

I went to the pool that was installed in my room and swam for  _hours_. 

Doing everything  _but_  thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE don’t forget to COMMENT. They keep me going.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaldur talks to his parents and Aquaman confides in Mera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has definitely been the hardest chapter for me to write thus far. I wanted each character to have an independent voice, and some were just harder to grasp than others. I hope I managed to keep them in character-ish at least. I try not to bore you guys. This one is a little longer than the other ones. 
> 
> I do not own anything Young Justice related. Same triggers apply.
> 
> For any of those wondering if I am going to include Black Manta well…we will see. Tee hee hee. 
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS FIXED

**Aquaman’s POV**

Superman and Batman were sitting across from me in the shuttle. We were the only ones here. I needed to vent and Canary and Wonder Woman said they would look after Kaldur. They could not do any worse than I have managed.

How could I not see that  _something_  was off kilter?

It certainly explained some of his more persistent behaviors.

Kaldur was always so reserved. I wrote it off as reverence for his king with a healthy dose of admiration.

He was always humble, just short of self-deprecating. I ascribed it to his modest upbringing.

He was overly efficient, and took every deviation to heart. I lauded him for it. I was so blinded by his desire to succeed that I overlooked his fear of failure.

He would eat  _anything_. I thought it was because he was a growing boy. I use to  _tease_ him about it. I called him a bottom feeder once. I cannot forgive myself for that. I never considered an  _eating disorder_. I never considered that he might not have had a lot to eat as a child. That he could not  _afford_  to be picky.

He avoided group sleep. Soldiers would sleep in groups of twenty wherever they dropped. It boosted morale and reminded them of their days in army school. It was optional, but most warriors enjoyed it.

I thought it was because he did not have many friends that he slept alone. Night terrors never crossed my mind.

He was a private person. I respected that. I even admired it. Usually children that young did not keep their counsel. I never thought it could be because he had so much to hide.

There was so much about Kaldur that I overlooked, disregarded, or either completely ignored.

What kind of a mentor am I?

How could I help mend a child that I helped break?

 

**Superman’s POV**

Aquaman looked like he hadn’t gotten any sleep. I know I sure hadn’t. It was hard listening to that man  _brag_  about what he did. What  _they_  did.

How could anyone be proud of such a vile act? It's times like these that I feel a bit more appreciative of my alien nature. I could pretend that only humans did things like this. Even though I know better. 

I had never spoken to Kaldur for more than a few seconds at a time, but he seemed like a real swell kid.

I can understand keeping a secret from loved ones for fear they would reject you. For the better part of my teen years I hid who I was from my closest friends. I alternated between resenting my powers, and resenting the human race for their smaller power potential and closed-mindedness about  _aliens_. I hated the word.

I’m not one to encourage keeping a secret, especially one that could be personally detrimental, but I  _understand_. I’ve been abducted before and I always feel so humiliated after. I’m big. I’m powerful. I’m  _literally_  super strong.

These things were not supposed to happen to me.

I was the one the team relied on for heavy artillery, and if I failed, well…things got complicated.

How can I insist that Kaldur, a  _teenager_ , confess to his parents when I was able to keep my secret well past my youth?

It seemed hypocritical to me.

I could only imagine what he must be feeling. My pride is hurt when I get abducted because I feel like I should always be stronger than the enemy. Be able to fight back. Kaldur'ahm was just a kid. 

But I remember being a teenager vividly. Everything is so complicated. You focus on the negative. The things you can't control. I'm not sure why, it's just like that. Even my alien DNA didn't protect me from that. 

Aqualad is probably focusing  _solely_  on the fact that he was in the army and had basic hand-to-hand combat and defensive training. 

Never mind that they were adults and seasoned fighters.

The main thing that convinced me it would be best for Aqualad to talk to his parents is the fact that this  _type_  of secret has the power to consume you. Kaldur needed to come to terms with his past, and if telling his parents was a first step in that direction then I was all in.

 

**Batman’s POV**

It makes me sick. It makes me  _physically_  sick. How can an adult be sexually attracted to a child? I know it happens, but I don’t  _get_  it. But of course that’s the point. I’m not  _supposed_  to get it. I  _should_  be sickened. I  _should_  be angry at these predators.

It’s situations like these that serve as a reminder as to why I took up the cowl in the first place.

I would enjoy nothing better than giving these four men the bat-treatment, but I had to keep this in Atlantis. I didn’t want to make Kaldur’s life any harder than it was now.

I can see a lot of myself in him when I was his age.

I was determined to do  _everything_  right, but it made it harder for me to accept defeats.

I strived for perfection, but it made me less open to taking chances.

I didn't trust anyone I worked with  _enough_  because their immortality was  _always_  at the forefront of my mind, and it meant I put  _myself_   in the most dangerous situations.

Kaldur is still young. I don't want him to become like me. 

Burdened by a tragedy that often times is my sole motivation for fighting crime. 

_Vengeance_.

It’s something I can never  _truly_  escape. I did not kill the man who took my parents life, but it was the chief reason I became Batman in the first place. I wanted to take out bad guys, because I couldn’t save my family from one.

I don’t want Kaldur to stick with Aqualad because he couldn’t stop what was happening to him. I want his reasons to be as uncorrupted as he is.

As much as he reminds me of myself, there are differences too.

I am not self-sacrificing without thinking of every possible solution out of the predicament first. Kaldur’ahm will put himself in harms way  _every_  time if it means the rest of the team makes it to safety. I've talked to him about it in our briefs many times.

He always says the same thing.

_"A good leader has to put others first. I am no exception."_  

I do not lack ambition. It has blinded me before and I’m sure it will again. It is why Superman is the unofficial official leader of the Justice League. He has  _no_  desire to be more than that. He is not tempted in the  _ways_  that I am.

Kaldur’ahm is like that too. There is room for improvement, but he leads well. He just doesn’t  _want_  to lead. He only took the position because he was elected. He would never have chosen it for himself. 

I have deduced that it is because he doesn’t consider himself fit for the title. He couldn’t be further from the truth.

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

The silence was thick. It was clear what was on all of our minds.

“I think Kaldur’ahm might be pushing himself too fast telling his parents so soon. And I know him… _somewhat_.”

It hurt to admit that.

“If he changes his mind on the way there, he will not tell me. He will suffer in silence and go through with it anyways. On the slim chance that he  _does_  change his mind, he would likely  _never_  get around to telling them again because he would never think he would be ready again. I want to caution him to wait, but he is  _insistent_  that he does not prolong things. I can not bring myself to refuse him in this.”

Superman tapped his pen on the table and suggested I reassure him in  _plain words_ that it is okay to change his mind.

Batman merely nodded his consent.

“I must confess that there is something I cannot get off of my mind.” They both looked at me intently.

I sat back in my chair and rubbed the side of my neck.

“His gill infection.”

Superman squirmed a little, and Batman grimaced.

“Do you know how many… _oral deposits_  it would take to infect gills? They are  _literal_ filters. Do you understand how difficult it would be to clog them even theoretically? Atlanteans have survived the BP oil spill, dirty fish hooks, and toxic plastic residue for decades now, and those with gills were hardly affected."

The longer I thought about it. The clearer how Kaldur'ahm's life went was to me.

"Gill infection itself is easily treatable, but left uncared for and it becomes increasingly fatal. You could drown underwater. In order for him to need both a liquid and solid seaweed treatment, it means he kept his infection to himself for some time. He could have  _died_."

No one would have ever known the truth. It would have died with him.

"He literally could have died. The worst part is that he never  _actually_  told anyone he had the infection. One of his bunk mates found out when he woke up with his neck swollen. If they had not noticed him, he  _would_  have died. I cannot shake that thought.”

Kaldur was like a surrogate son to me. Me and Mera both.

It was no secret we had trouble conceiving, but even if we had not, we would still see Kaldur’ahm the same. I have known him for years and I have come to both trust and respect him.

“I have thoroughly failed him. I hate to even entertain the thought, but we should anticipate his swift removal from the team. His parents might not want him to stay and even as King, I am bound legally to comply. He is a minor and his parents are fit.”

Sha’lain’a will never forgive me. Calvin will probably try to take things into his own hands, and I am not so sure I would be willing to stop him.

 

**Batman’s POV**

I have a no-kill rule. There have only been a handful of times where I really questioned that decision.

This was one of them.

I am not well versed in Atlantean physiology. Aquaman is as secretive of Atlantis as I am about Gotham.

I believed a gill infection to be the equivalent of a human’s strep throat. I can see now just how off I was.

I cannot imagine Kaldur was unaware of the severity of a gill infection and all that it entailed. I cannot imagine…no, I do not  _want_  to imagine Kaldur so scared to ask for medical attention that he would chance his own life.

These men will pay. Thoroughly.

 

***Back at Mt. Justice***

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

Swimming for a few hours helped me to relax a little. I wanted to be at my best when I talked to my parents.

I still had not managed to eat. I did not think it wise. I preferred to try to eat lightly the next morning because if I knew my mother at all, she would try to feed me when I arrived.

I had a lot I was putting out of my mind.

I promised my mother I would stay safe, and even though this happened years ago, she might not see it that way. If she wanted me to leave the team, I would. The only problem is that I still  _want_  to be Aqualad.

This is why I have to start doing better. I have to get sleep and eat well. My future depended on it.

I got out of the tank and tried to get some sleep. Me and Aquaman had a long journey ahead of us.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

***The next morning** *

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

I woke Kaldur before dawn. He did not want to run into any of the League. I offered him breakfast and he picked over an egg. I decided not to mention it. His nerves were probably in overdrive right now.

We Zeta’d to the capitol, but Shayeris was an hour and a half out of the way by Sea Horse. I told the guards we were on private business and to keep it to themselves. My people were loyal.

Kaldur was a bucket of nerves next to me. It was clear he did not want to talk, and I did not try to make him. This was hard enough without me adding to it.

“You know you can change your mind right? If you do not feel up for it today, we can try another time. It is okay to change your mind. I am concerned that you...you need not push yourself.”

If it was possible he turned even further away from me in his seat. He was committed to following through with this.

I did not try to speak to him again.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

The ride to Shayeris was torture. It seemed strange that I was passing familiar landmarks like it was a normal trip home for me.

Nothing about this trip was normal.

The only time I had ever traveled to Shayeris with my king was when we went to ask my parents blessing for me to be Aqualad.

This was not the same. I was excited the last time. I could not wait to get home. To tell my parents of the good news.

I could not wait to escape the hold the army had on me. To get far away from the people who ill used me. I chose Aqualad and Garth chose Magic.

But this trip was not like that one. This one was not a happy one, but I would remember it all the same.

I could not refrain from reminiscing about my childhood with my parents. It was a loving and supportive one.

Me and my father joined the gulf preservation team when I was 10 and volunteered for 6  _weeks_  to the cause. We helped clean up the oil and preserve the marine life that was in danger there. It was a real father-son bonding trip.

My father told me it was important to protect your home.

I can remember when me and my mother would go oyster hunting for dinner. We could have just bought them from the market, but it was more fun diving for our food. It was a common activity for parents to do with their young children.

She made it so fun.

I can remember sitting on top of my father’s shoulders watching the annual Tritonian parade. There was music, food, glittery shells, and wonderful live performances. There were children swimming through the crowds and catching the shells that were being thrown only to collect them in little pails. Whoever had the most would win a small prize. It was a great way to keep the younger children’s attention.

There were so many memories. So many lessons in them.

Although the memory is not one I can remember well, I was only 3 at the time, I went to Mississippi a few times. It is where my father’s mother lived.

She was my  _gramma_. I could not visit more often because it is so hot and dry there. But I can remember eating ice cream, going fishing in the lake behind her house, and waiting out thunderstorms in the dark.

I never did understand why we had to cut all of the lights off, but it was fun. She would sing and tell me stories about my father’s childhood. They were funny. She passed away a year later from old age. Thinking on it. I believe my father knew her time was nearing. 

My mother and father keep up her house. My mother never went with us on those trips.

She was not an Atlantean that could tolerate air for very long. Not without using her magic. She would sit for hours and listen while I told her about the things that I saw, the things I ate, and the strange phrases people used.

We were always a close family.

And this trip could change all of that. At least I could find comfort in the memories.

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**Sha’lain’a’s POV**

My heart is heavy and I do not know why. It was one of those days where you waited for something to go bad. I had my theories about what it could be.

_Calvin_  was fine.  _I_  was fine. So that only left Kaldur’ahm. I hoped he would be alright. He is my only child. I do not know how me and Calvin could get on without him.

I got up to find Calvin.

He was going over our family finances. He was good at numbers and organization. He was an  _accountant_  on the surface before he had quit to join David. He fell for his lies. 

He was not the only one.

“My love.”

He turned to me and gave me the smile that caught my heart the first time I laid eyes on him. After all these years it had never dulled.

His brow crinkled. He had picked up on my distress. He was soft spoken and a man of few words, but he always anticipated my needs.

 

**Calvin’s POV**

“Is there something bothering you? You seem worried?”

My Sha’lain’a was leaning against the door, her eyes distant. I could tell something was bothering her.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

It was better to cloak people in silence and let them tell you what they wanted you to know.

Her reply was unsteady.

“I have this strange feeling that Kaldur’ahm is in trouble. He needs us.”

I knew to take her seriously. She always worried about Kal, and she was always on point. If she felt the need to check up on him, we would.

Before I could reply, there was a knock at the door. It was Kal and Orin. Technically he was Annex Orin, but it was weird to think of him as a king.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

Time passed by quickly. Too quickly. We were at my parent’s faster than I wanted.

“Do you still want me to go in with you?”

My king shook me out of my reverie. I did want him here. Maybe not in the room with us, but close enough to get me out if I needed to leave.

“Will you stand in the hall?

He looked like he wanted to say something, but he just gave a half smile and nodded instead.

We got to the door and my parents opened it. They were not surprised to see me, but they did appear nervous at my presence.

“Mother. Father.”

My mother was the first to hug me. She kissed my cheek as she always does. My father clasped my shoulder and gave it a gentle shake.

“Kaldur’ahm. Are you well? Have you eaten?”

I wanted to lie to my mother and tell her yes, but I could not. I went for a partial truth.

“I skipped breakfast, but I am not hungry.”

Truthfully I was hungry, but my body was telling me that I would not keep it down. I listened to my body.

“May we sit?”

There was a flurry of movement. They acknowledged Aquaman with a head nod. They could tell we were not here for pleasant conversation. We regrouped in the visiting area.

Aquaman looked out of place.

“I will wait in the hall.”

Instead of a response my parents just turned to me.

This was the moment of truth. I did not know what to say to them. I just know that I needed to say it.

I was sitting in between them. Normally I would draw comfort from such an action, but now it only served to make me more aware of what I needed to tell them.

“I…have something to tell you both that I have kept a secret until now.”

They seemed slightly alarmed. I never kept anything from them. Not anything big.

“I do not… _wish_ …to go into specifics. I just need to tell you.”

The tension in the room was thick. My mother tried to comfort me.

“You can tell us anything Kaldur’ahm. We will always be here for you.”

That is exactly what was bothering me. I  _know_  I can tell them anything. They would want to know why I did not. Especially about something like this.

“I know I can.”

I shamefully started crying. It was all too much.

My father hugged me.

“We’re right here Kal. Take your time.”

That only made me cry harder. I was trying to get through this and was making a big mess of it. My mother was a bundle of nerves. I was one of those kids who would go off alone if I had to cry. Seeing me all but sobbing must have frightened her.

“I do not know where to begin. I will just say it.”

I was silent for a full minute. I had never said the word. I did not want to say it now, but it would paint the fullest picture with the least amount of talking.

“In the army…shortly after I got there, a few of my trainers took an interest in me. I was grateful enough for their attention. I had no friends and craved real conversation. Things were okay for a while.”

I stared at a spot on the coral table. I decided not to draw this out. I took a steadying breath and came out with it.

“They… _raped_  me.”

If they were not sitting so close to me they would not have heard me. My throat was itchy and my leg would not stop bouncing.

I heard them both gasp. My mother hugged me and my father followed suit. I just sat there and wept.

 

**Sha’lain’a’s POV**

How could I have not known? What kind of mother does not see this? How long had this gone on? Who were these people? He said  _they_? More than one? I could barely breathe. I vowed to protect my son from all harm and I could not have failed anymore than I did.

He was probably angry with me. For not seeing. For not keeping my promise to him.

 

**Calvin’s POV**

I didn’t think it was possible for my heart to break so quickly. What kind of father have I been that he did not feel comfortable telling me? I know I could have been better. I should have shown him more affection. I strived to be better than my own dad.

He never  _told_  me he loved me.

I knew he did, but after he died I questioned it. I didn’t want to be like him and leave anything up for question.

Kal is a good kid and an even better son. I can only imagine how angry he was with me for not protecting him. I always told him it was my job. A job that I would go out of my way to do.

No wonder he skipped so many family visits during his time in the army. He was disappointed in me for not saving him. I would never be able to gain that trust back.

My body was wracked with silent sobs. I may have lost my son.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I had never seen my father cry before. I did not know how to handle it. I heard a shuffling out in the hall. Aquaman had went outside. It was for the better. I did not want him to see us like this.

I looked up and asked the question I did not think I could bear the answer to.

“Are you ashamed?”

There was a brief pause, but the fierceness in my mother’s eyes calmed me.

Her hands were over her mouth while she tried to wipe the tears from her own eyes.

“ _Never_. I could  _never_  be ashamed of you. You did nothing wrong.”

My father found his voice.

“You are my son. There is nothing you could do that would make me ashamed of you. I want you to rid yourself of the very  _thought_. You aren’t held liable for other people’s wrong doings. I thank you. For telling us.”

 

**Sha’lain’a’s POV**

I wanted to kill the ones who did this. For what they put my son through. When he asked if we were ashamed, I know he was aiming that more towards Calvin. What had they said to him? I wanted to ask questions but I did not want to harm him.

_Ashamed of him._

How could I ever bring myself to be ashamed of him? I worry for him. I am proud of him. I support him. But shame?

When he was born he was the only consolation I had that not everything about David was bad. I was not the dumbest person in the world. Something good came out of our union.

He was such a good baby. He kept me going. Gave me something to look forward to. Shame is not something I could have.

 

**Calvin’s POV**

I had questions. I just don’t know how to approach them.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

“There is more.”

I steadied my breath.

“I must confess. I was planning on taking this to my grave. I would have never told. I would ask your forgiveness for not telling you sooner.”

“No. Kal. Do not ask for forgiveness. You are not to blame here.”

“Kaldur’ahm. I beg  _you_  for forgiveness. For not seeing. How can a mother miss such a thing?”

I could barely look my mom in the eyes, but I managed.

“Mother. You could not have known. I went to great lengths to make sure no one would. It is because of my  _own_  deceit that I am here today-”

My father was having none of it.

“Kaldur’ahm.  _Please_  don’t say that. You were not being deceitful. I am sure you have your reasons for telling us now. I don’t hold that against you. Neither does your mother.”

My mother squeezed my hand.

“We only wish to help you. You are so brave. Braver than me. I know if this was me, I would have never found the courage to tell my dad. I can only be grateful that you have your mother’s bravery instead of mines.”

I do not deserve them. They were so patient. So understanding. I am riddled with guilt for ever doubting them.

“So you are not disappointed in my not telling you?”

My father answered while my mother smoothed down the tufts of hair at the nape of my neck.

“Kaldur, I will be honest. I wish you had come to us. If only to have put a stop to them sooner, but I am not disappointed in  _you_  that you didn’t. I am disappointed that I cannot do more. Do you understand?”

Canary was correct in her assessment. My parents truly blamed me for nothing. I could not ask for better ones.

“Yes father. Gratitude.”

No one said anything for a while. I just sat squished in between them. My mother rubbing comforting circles in my hair and my father with a strong arm wrapped around my shoulders.

I cleared my throat.

“One of them is in custody. He told the League of his actions against me. I was… _forced_  to confess. He is in part why I am here today. The League has made it a priority to punish him in Atlantis. Annex Orin and the others have formulated a plan to apprehend the others.”

I continued before my father could ask questions.

“I am afraid I do not know the details. I  _asked_  to be left out of them.”

I risked a glance at my father but his eyes were just as understanding as ever.

“I am sure you have  _questions_. I only request that you not ask for  _specifics_. I am not… _ready…_  for that.”

I braced myself.

 

**Calvin’s POV**

He gave us an opening. I was not sure how much to ask him so I took the direct approach. He was never one for idle talk.

“Where you concerned we might not believe you?”

I had to know. I know how these things worked on the surface. Children were typically threatened into silence. I wanted to reassure Kal that we would have always believed him.

“No. I knew you would. I just thought you might be upset that I did not tell you. We had that talk before. About telling you guys  _anything_. I just thought it would be best not to.”

“Why?”

He seems hesitant at this.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I knew they would want to know why I did not say anything. I wish I had an answer planned.

It is not a well known fact that I am employed by the Crown to be Aqualad. I have no need for the money so I opted to have it sent directly to my parents.

They refused to use it, but we still had it if we ever needed it.

I wanted to help out my family. When I was in the army I was gifted a scholarship. It paid for my formal education along with room and board. Without it my parents would have struggled to keep me in military school and take care of themselves.

Arion and Kordax told me they would lower my scores so that I would lose it if I said anything. They were like that. Always threatening me unnecessarily. I was never going to say anything.

I told my parents a shorter variation of this.

My father put his forehead to mines and made me keep eye contact.

“Kal. We would never choose money over you. Do not feel the need to remain Aqualad because of us.”

My mother seconded that.

“We want you to be at peace with your decision. We will stand by whatever you decide.”

I was relieved they had not demanded I give up being Aqualad so that they could keep a closer eye out on me.

Regardless, I wanted to stay for the night. My parents needed to see me as much as I needed them within visual range.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

*Outside*

**Aquaman’s POV**

While Kaldur spoke with his parents I called Mera by tele-orb. I gave her a very brief version of the situation.

“Your family is from Poseidonis. You have just as many connections as Arion. I ask that you subtly call on them. We need to have him stripped of his titles without the treasury being influenced.”

“Of course. You need not ask. I care for Kaldur’ahm. I cannot believe this has escaped the attention of so many. What if there are others?”

“We will cross that bridge should we come across it. For now the plan is to liquidize a portion of his personal assets and spread them among the victims. Besides therapy, there is not much we can do at this point.”

“Poor Kaldur. I cannot imagine his fear. He was always so…stable.”

I understood where she was coming from. I too had saw his accomplishments and looked no further.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

After the conversation with my wife Kaldur’ahm came out and asked if it was okay to spend the night with his parents. As if I would have possibly told him no.

He bade me farewell with plans to Zeta back home the next afternoon. I told him to take as much time as he needed. I would fill the League in on his absence.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

The rest of the day passed by peacefully enough. My mother got me to eat. We mostly sat in each other’s company while I answered whatever questions they had.

I am glad they did not push for specifics. But there was something that was bothering me. The look in my father’s eyes when he thought I was not watching. I knew what he was thinking.

He wanted to harm Dardanus. He was probably thinking of ways to convince Annex Orin to see him. Normally I would not have worried, but I am not confident that my king would not allow him.

We spent the night together. On the couch in the visiting area. It was a bit embarrassing. I am 6 foot and squished between my parents drawing comfort from their close proximity.

Their steady breathing calmed me to sleep. A huge weight was lifted off my chest.

I woke up from a nightmare.

I did not want to talk about it. They wanted to push the issue but they respected my boundaries.

It was  _that_  one.

The one where Topo took me to his room and used his mouth.

I acted terribly. I had done it for him plenty of times, but no one had ever reciprocated before then.

I had awakened from a night terror and went to the library to calm my mind. He was there. He asked me why I was up. I told him I could not sleep. He knew the truth behind it and guided me to his room.

I was resentful for that. He was the reason for my lack of sleep. Would he, knowing that, use me again?

But it was different that time.

He laid me on his bed with a patience he seldom showed and pulled my sleeping tunic up to my stomach.  _Underwear_  is not a thing Atlanteans bother with.

I did not know what he was about to do. I was… _pleasantly_  surprised.

He brought his head to my lap and took me into his mouth. I was easily stimulated. It was not long before I was squirming on the bed. Making shameful noises. Trying to catch my breath. Quietly begging.

_Please. Topo. Please._

He was amused.

When I spilled my essence, he merely swallowed it. Put my tunic down and took me back to my bunk.

I had never felt so confused. I should not have liked it. I knew that much, but I liked the feel of his  _mouth_. Instead of falling to sleep, I did magical squares in my head until morning call.

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When I woke up the next morning I forced myself to sleep. I spent the day with my parents setting  _personal boundaries_.

They wanted to know how much I could handle without upsetting me.

I left that evening feeling more relaxed than I had in days.

They tried to get me to stay, but I had some apprehension about that. I know that I  _can_  rely on them, but I also did not want to.

I wanted to ease my nerves before I went back to Mt. Justice. I zeta’d outside of the mountain and made my way to the city.

It was a trip I took several times before.

I made it to the worn building and went to the third floor.

I knocked and the door opened.

“Hello my friend.”

Roy only looked mildly surprised to see me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don’t forget to COMMENT


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaldur and Roy hang out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same warnings apply. PLEASE READ THE TAGS. TRIGGER WARNINGS APPLY.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice or its characters.
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS ALSO FINISHED

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

Roy’s apartment was…sparse. And cluttered. At the same time. It was a strange dichotomy that fit his person well.

He had about 6 red shirts and 5 black ones. Three pairs of jeans and 2 pairs of shoes. It was his entire wardrobe. It had always managed to shock me that so few clothing items could be strewn about so casually.

I myself had few cloths. My suit made it unnecessary. However, the few civilian clothes I did own were stored away neatly.

It is important to take care of your personal possessions.

Roy Harper was not of the same mentality.

Aside from his clothes, he had random magazines, arrows, and empty food containers piled on the center of his coffee table.

I would usually not be able to stop myself from straightening up the place or at least washing a few dishes, but today I had other things on my mind.

I did not come here to  _talk_.

I wanted to patrol with a friend that would not ask questions.

I was tired of remembering the way the League members  _looked_  at me. How my parents had  _cried_  for me. 

Roy would only think this was another one of my random visits I took when I needed to get away from Mt. Justice.

I do not have a personal problem with anyone on the team, but I  _am_  the oldest.

Robin is 13. Wally is 15 and Robin’s best friend. I was always the third wheel there. M’gann and Connor are completely wrapped up in each other, Artemis is still too guarded to seek a friendship, and of course there is the issue that my best friend does not care for her.

It made me and Roy all the more closer. On the outside looking in, we do not have a lot in common, but we work well together.

Roy’s hair is the personification of his character.

He is fire.

He embodies fire and all that it entails. He has the tendency to escalate things. Roy is hot headed, stubborn, and proud. But he is also creative, passionate, motivated, and action-driven.

He makes mistakes like we all do. He will deny aid in his endeavors, but when he gets in over his head he always calls for back up. 

He is impulsive.

He will dive head first into the water.

He is one of those people you have to take whole. You either accept every part of him, or none of him.

If Roy’s hair personifies his character, then my eyes personify mines.

I am water.

I take shape of the situation around me. It has aided in my escape and victory many times. I am calm, introspective, and practical. I try to understand others and be a good ear for them.

But, like Roy, I too have my many faults.

I soak up the negative feelings around me. It overwhelms me and makes me anxious at times. It leaves me questioning myself and doubting my ability to lead. It is in my nature to brood. To look at everything and analyze it again and again.

I forget sometimes that I am deserving of gratitude.

In order to balance my life, I added a little fire.

 

**Roy’s POV**

Kal has been my good friend for the past few years now. When I first met him I thought he was little more than a drone.

I couldn’t stand the guy.

He was so  _uptight_. So frigid. So formal.

It was always “yes my king”, “with all due respect my liege”, and “pardon me your grace”. The guy lacked a personality.

He was always so  _calm._

It irritated the hell out of me. I used to take pleasure in trying to rile him up. I only garnered little success.

I don’t know when it went from “annoy the fish out of water” to “why don’t we make inside jokes about our mentors to pass the time,” but it marked the beginning of an epic friendship.

When he showed up at my place I could tell something was off. He looked... _disturbed_. I was used to him dropping by randomly. Our jobs didn’t leave a lot of room for  _planned_  free time.

I remember the first time he'd stopped by my place. It was the only time I was surprised by his presence.

*** **flashback** ***

Kaldur was standing in my doorway awkwardly, waiting for me to allow him entrance. He clasped his hands and held them in front of him. His head was slightly bowed.

“Hello my friend.”

I only raised a brow. Kaldur had never been to my place before. I hadn’t even told him where I lived. It must have been Robin.

I stepped aside.

“Shut it behind you.”

He briskly walked in and closed the door behind him. I was worried he was going to be awkward the whole time he was here so I tried to make him relax.

“Want something to drink?”

He seemed wary.

“It is not one of your inhibitor’s is it?”

It took me a second to realize he was asking if I was offering him alcohol. I couldn’t control my laughter.

“It’s not alcohol Kal. It’s soda. I promise you’ll be completely  _hibited_  after you drink it. Sides, I’m not even old enough to drink.”

He gave me one of his knowing smirks.

“I didn’t say I  _don’t_  drink. Just that I’m not old enough to.”

He smiled for the first time since he got there.

I could tell his mind was on something, but he wasn’t in the mood for talking. It was probably about me leaving the team.

“I am not sure how these things work. I am still learning your customs.”

“There are no rules to hanging out with a friend Kaldur. You do whatever you want really. It’s not a formal thing.”

We’d been down this road before. Atlantean society was very structured and everything had rules. I had to explain to him that American society was more go with the flow.

“I see.”

I  _really_  looked at him this time. His eyes had a slight grey tint under them. His hair, while short, was a little frayed at the ends. His posture was more rigid than usual. He was tired and being overworked.

But would he ever think to complain to Aquaman that he needed a break? Of course not! And Aquaman was like Batman in that sense. You had to be near death or have a mental break down for either of them to see that you were overwhelmed.

I made the unanimous decision to take him to the movies.

He had never seen one and seemed to enjoy it. He took the rules seriously about no talking and turning off your cell phones.

He had popcorn for the first time. He drenched it in butter and pepper which resulted in him switching with me.

We had watched Cloud Atlas. I noticed he blushed every time Halle Berry’s character Luisa Rey was on the screen.

I teased him about it on the way home. He blushed and desperately tried to get me to change the subject. I took pity on him, but not before he threatened me from telling the guys.

All in all, it was a good day and Kaldur’ahm had relaxed.

*****End Flashback*****

I decided not to beat around the bush.

“You look like shit.”

I was rewarded with the most strained smile I had ever seen from him. He would have normally made some type of sarcastic comment about the messiness of my apartment by now. He looked troubled. Deeply troubled. More than when he told me about Tula and Garth.

“Hey man you wanna sit down?”

He took a few seconds to answer.

“I do not.”

I was guessing now.

“You wanna eat?”

He shook his head no.

“You wanna talk?”

“I…do not know what I want.”

That was alarming. What was even more alarming was the fact that his comm had just went off and he either really didn’t hear it beeping in his ear, or he was totally ignoring it. Something he had never done before.

“I’m going to answer your comm okay?”

He just looked at me. Since he didn’t try to stop me I took his comm out of his ear and answered it.

_“Aqualad?”_

It was Aquaman. He sounded worried.

“Red Arrow.”

I could hear his breath of relief.

_“Is he alright?”_

A warning bell went off in my head. Aquaman would never ask if Kaldur was alright unless he had reason to believe that he wasn’t. Regardless of his concern, I wasn’t about to throw Kaldur under the bus.

“He doesn’t feel like talking. We’re gonna hang out for a while.”

_“Hang out?”_

I didn't even try to contain my sigh.

“He’s  _spending time_  with me.”

_“I see. Just let him know that I expect to see him before nightfall.”_

I wasn’t aware Kaldur had a curfew.

“Will do. Red Arrow out.”

I turned to Kaldur.

“You wanna tell me what that was about?”

He averted his eyes and said not really.

“Kal. You’re starting to worry me. Let’s sit.”

“I do not  _want_  to sit!”

The venom in his voice brought me up short.

Angry Kaldur isn’t as funny as I had imagined it.

“Kal. Something's up. Tell me.”

He seemed about to answer but changed his mind.

“Can we patrol?”

I didn’t think it was the best idea. He seemed hostile, but he had never give me reason to think he would lose control in the field.

After I suited up, we made our way to The Alley. The place is as seedy as it sounds. This was the only place I could think of that had such blatant crime this early in the day.

It seems my fears were misplaced. Kaldur did not go crazy on anybody. Quite the contrary actually.

He fought with veteran efficiency and precision.

Whenever I put my hand on his shoulder to tell him good job, he shrugged it off. If I didn’t know any better, I would say he was mad at  _me_.

He wasn’t slowing down.

We had about 40 minutes until nighttime. I reminded Kaldur of Aquaman’s words.

He eyes had cleared up and he was more focused.

Back to his usual calm demeanor.

Anyone with eyes could see he was embarrassed about his behavior earlier. Which is weird considering I go on rants every other day and he still thinks I’m sane.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I had to clarify a few things with Roy before I left.

I needed to give him enough to know I was going to be okay without telling him too much.

I was rude to him all day. Giving him the silent treatment. Not thanking him for spending time with me.

I looked back in my memories to find out what I should do to let him know I was truly sorry. I remembered Robin and KF did a secret handshake. We did not have one of those so I chose another path.

I stepped up to him and wrapped my arms around his upper shoulders and back. He tensed up.

“I am sorry my friend. Today was a much needed distraction. I did not intend to take my frustrations out on you.”

If it were any other day I would have laughed at his utterly ridiculous face.

His cheeks were brighter than his hair.

He cleared his throat and pushed away from me.

“Oookay.  _Dude_. Hugs are a no. I forgive you. Just…yeah. So what’s up? Really.”

I took a moment to gather my thoughts.

“Roy. On our last mission there was a… _criminal_  we captured that was…from my past. We did not have a good relationship. It rattled me. I did not expect such a thing to come up during my time on the surface. “

Or any time for that matter. We all swore that we would never bring it up. I cannot wrap my head around what made Dardanus say what he did. Instead of mere incarceration, he was now facing execution.

“It has been a struggle these past few days. Aquaman means well, but you know how that goes. I like to solve my own problems.”

And Roy did know. Green Arrow tried. He still tries. Their problems mostly stem from misunderstandings and personality differences.

“Kaldur we’re friends. We’re all assholes at least sometimes. Just don’t make a habit of it. That’s my gimmick.”

I was grateful for his understanding. I could not afford to alienate such a good friend.

I bade him farewell and made my way back to Mt. Justice.

 

**Roy’s POV**

In the end it was Kaldur’s anger that bothered me the most. I didn’t let on that I felt something was up. I just knew it was bigger than an old acquaintance from the past.

The guy had Kaldur  _shook_.

It takes a lot to shake a man who is used to fighting literal monsters.

I made up my mind to give him his space, but to be on the lookout for any more suspicious behavior.

I might have Robin check the guy out.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

It was windy out, but it did not bother me. I was used to much colder temperatures. It was the silence that nagged me. It was so dull. It gave me more time to think than I needed.

I could not help slightly doubting my father. Not about him blaming me, but that he would not take actions into his own hands. I had spoken with him about it briefly when my mother was not in the room.

He takes protecting me and my mother very seriously.

I know he will try to locate these men and execute them if given even half the chance. He did not get into Manta’s army by being unwilling to kill.

I know he is a changed man, but I believe  _he_  believes this situation justifies it. I am not sure about my mother either. She is fierce when it comes to me.

She might even help. Subtly that is. She can not use her magic in any case.

I felt bad about leaving my parents early, but I was getting anxious being around them. They were unsure of what to say to me, and I to them.

We never had a problem communicating before. This is just another thing I had hoped to avoid. I am starting to regret telling them. Even now, I know they are thinking about me. Worried about my health. Fretting over things they have no control over.

I fear I will not uphold my promises to my parents. Already I had denied sustenance from Roy twice that day.

I finally made it back to base where Aquaman was waiting for me.

Batman and Superman were there to.

I was suddenly tired. I just wanted to get in my tank and sleep until the morning. If we did not have any missions, I was only responsible for keeping up with my training.

I guess something in my posture was defensive because Batman and Superman shared a look while Aquaman raised a brow.

“Kaldur’ahm. I hope your time with Red Arrow was beneficial. We have much to discuss.”

“Can it not wait?” Even  _I_  heard the bite in my tone.

I do not know where that came from. I had not meant to say it. I just had the sudden urge to test him. I was tired, but I was not  _that_  tired.

I could see the surprise clear on his face. On Superman’s too. I had never denied such a  _reasonable_  request.

_I am not mad at Aquaman._

I had to remind myself of that.

_He is only trying to help me._

I have to internalize this.

Aquaman took his time answering.

“If you are truly tired you may convene to your quarters. It is not something that cannot wait until the morrow.”

I tried to reign it in. I really did. I know he did not mean anything by it, but I was overly  _sensitive_  for some reason.

Before I could stop the flow I words I blurted out what I thought about that.

“If I am  _truly_  tired? Would I lie about such matters?”

“Kaldur’ahm…I did not mean to suggest-”

“It does not matter. I am tired and I  _am_  taking my rest.”

I was scared. I had no clue why I was reacting this way to Aquaman. He has done nothing against me. Instead of turning around and apologizing, I hurried to my room.

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

“What was that?”

I was speaking more to myself than anything.

Batman answered anyways.

“This is not uncommon behavior for this kind of thing. I wouldn’t take it to heart. He doesn’t mean to snap at you. It will subside in time. Give him room to breathe. It’s easy to forget, but he  _is_  still a teenager. This won't be his last mood swing.”

It is hard seeing Kaldur’ahm this way. I can see the merit in the Bat’s words, but I feel like I have been grasping at straws for the past few days now.

What really baffles me is that Kaldur’ahm seems angry with  _me_. I hope he does not feel like I pressured him into talking with his parents. The more I think about it, the more I wish I had pushed the meeting back a few days like I had initially planned.

It was too much too soon.

All heroes with a protégé were given orders to keep them away from Mt. Justice for the week or until further notice.

It is not as if they would not notice the absence of their leader.

M’gann and Connor will be staying with her uncle in his apartment.

“He needs help.”

Me and Batman turned to Superman. He was clearly pointing out the obvious.

“I mean he needs help that we are not equipped to give him. Canary is good at her job, but she is not unbiased. She  _knows_  Kaldur. She works with him. He needs to  _believe_  that  _whatever_  he says will stay with that person. Canary has a certain limit that she can keep to herself. There are things she  _has_  to tell us. Kaldur knows that too. He could be subconsciously holding things back.”

I heaved a troubled sigh.

“What you say is true, but I do not believe Kaldur would want to see someone else. I will ask, but we must be prepared for a negative response.”

“As long as he’s getting help.”

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I got to my room and started panicking. I told myself to calm down. To breathe. But it was not working.

I could not make my body obey my mind. My limbs would not  _submit_.

I was overtaken in another memory.

It came out of nowhere.

I slid to the floor.  _Remembering. Cringing. Gagging_.

_“Hurry Dardanus. We would like our turns too.”_

_My face was pressed against the ocean floor. I was breathing in water and sand. I tried to focus on the sway of the water. But I could not hear her. She was too far away._

_But what I could hear was grunting. The only thing I felt was pain and humiliation. When they got together it was so much more talking. So many more things they would make me say._

_“You enjoy this Durahm?”_

_I did not answer. He hit my backside with his open palm. It stung._

_My answer was a weak yes._

_They all laughed._

_Dardanus finished and passed me to Kordax._

_I was crying by then. Barely keeping it together. Kordax loved to make me beg. To pretend._

_My eyes followed his form._

_He removed his clothes and lay on his back._

_He was going to make me get on top._

_“Come on Kaldur’ahm. Hop on.”_

_I flushed red from my neck to the tips of my ears._

_I straddled him and he pulled me onto him._

_He was much wider than Dardanus. He threatened me not to look away._

_I kept my eyes on him but I let my mind wander._

_He caught on and started making me engage._

_“So tight. So small. You are the perfect size Kaldur. You take me so well.”_

_My tears were beyond my control by then. I just let him have his way._

_“Tell me why we do this. Open your mouth and tell me.”_

_I gave the customary response._

_“Because I deserve it. It feels good. I need this.”_

_Kordax finished quickly after that._

_I was sore. I wanted to stop, but it is not as if they would have listened._

_Next was Topo. Topo and Arion. Arion did not always join in. Mostly he took pictures of me._

_If anyone ever saw them they would be deceived. I looked happy enough in some of them. If anyone cared to look they might notice my disheveled clothes, my too shiny eyes, my fake smile._

_Topo pushed me to my knees. I was ashamed at how grateful I was. I do not think I would be able to sit if he had used me the other way._

_Arion had the camera ready._

_“Open up Kaldur’ahm. Yessss.”_

_I opened my mouth and Topo did the rest. He hardly ever had the patience to make me do things on my own._

_It was Arion who truly frightened me._

_Arion was really big on talking._

_I could barely breathe. Topo did not care._

_His taste was bitter._

_“That is it Kaldur. You are so pretty.”_

_I tried to block Arion out, but it was impossible._

_“Look at that **mouth**.”_

_Topo did not break his pace. My chest was starting to burn. My knees were scraping the ground, and because they had taken my clothes, I was completely exposed._

_Click!_

_“Perfect. You are perfect for this.”_

_Even as the others agreed, I hated when he said that._

_Click!_

_“Take him down all the way. Just like that.”_

_He stepped closer and got a photo of me with Topo in my mouth. He always showed them to me after._

_Topo finished down my throat as usual. He then passed me to Kordax who would clean me up and help me put my clothes back on._

_I was moving to slow for them so Dardanus carried me to Arion’s study. Nobody ever asked what we did in there._

_“Sit Kaldur’ahm.”_

_I just looked at him._

_He kept talking without missing a beat._

_“Of course. You are probably feeling a little discomfort.”_

_A little discomfort?_

_“Very well. You may stand next to me.”_

_I moved to stand by him. The sooner we got this over with the better._

_“You know what to do Kaldur’ahm.”_

_I took his member out of his pants and started rubbing him like he had taught me to._

_“Good. You are so good at this now. Remember the first time? You were so nervous.”_

_He sounded like he was telling a story about the time I got a question wrong in class._

_He pulled out the pictures._

_“This one is good. Hmmm. All you can see is your backside and you on your knees. Classic.”_

_I did not say anything. I was not supposed to._

_“I like this one too. Slower Kaldur._

_I went slower._

_“Aah. Yes. This one with you looking at the camera with your mouth full. Your lips are so plump. It is no wonder Topo enjoys them so much. He makes your mouth stretch. And those tears.”_

_He groaned deeply._

_I kept twisting and jerking._

_“Not many Atlanteans have tear ducts. You cry so beautifully. You know we do not mean to hurt you right?”_

_I nodded my head._

_“Good. It is important that you know that. Firmer Kaldur’ahm. Firmer. From the top. Here.”_

_He repositioned my hands. I had to use both because one would not reach all the way around._

_He was sweating and panting in his chair._

_I had been to this room so many times that I could recount the first 63 books on his shelf by title and author without looking. My goal was to know the entire top row._

_It kept my mind occupied._

_“Do you like this one? This is you on your back with Dardanus inside you.”_

_He always made everything sound dirtier than I remembered it._

_“Your eyes are lidded. I can tell you were enjoying it.”_

_I was not. I was in pain. I was close to passing out, but it was just like Arion to overlook that._

_I knew what was next. His breathing had picked up. I knew better than to speed up anymore. If he finished before he got to his **favorite**  picture, I was in trouble._

_He pulled it out of his top drawer._

_“This is my favorite.”_

_It was a picture of me completely naked and sleeping in his bed. You could tell it was his bed because he had taken me to his home on one of the breaks. His pillow with his initials embroidered on it was in between my legs._

_He had me to lie to my parents and tell them that I was not taking one._

_He took me only after most people had already left for break._

_We went to a few shops where he made me buy things. He kept saying that money was not an issue. I wanted to tell him that I did not want his things. But he would have been furious with me. So I picked out random things that meant nothing to me._

_Things I would discard as soon as I could._

_It was a week of **hell**  but I survived._

“Kaldur!”

_My memory had started to blur. Someone was calling me but I could not answer._

_My vision went black._

 

**Superman’s POV**

I heard Kaldur choking from the other room. By the time we got there he was curled up on the floor and his eyes were in the back of his head.

This just solidified my thinking earlier.

I tried calling his name but he didn’t respond. I swooped him up and flew him to the infirmary. Batman and Aquaman were following me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't forget to comment


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aquaman gives us a lesson on Atlantean Physiology and culture. Roy does some snooping. Kaldur tries to control his sudden temper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER VARIES A LOT MORE FORM THE ORIGINAL CHAPTER 8 I WROTE. THIS STORY WILL CONTINUE TO FOLLOW THESE NEW CHANGES.
> 
> Same DISCLAIMERS & WARNINGS & TRIGGERS apply
> 
> Please Comment

**Black Canary's POV**

It's past time we sat Aquaman down and ask him about Kaldur'ahm's physiology. Also a few notes on masculinity in Atlantis would help too. In order to get to the root of Kaldur's problems I needed more back ground information.

There had been an emergency meeting called to brief us on Aqualad. He was not doing well. Martian Manhunter had looked over him and given us his synopsis. It wasn't very detailed. He knew what we knew.

"Aquaman, what can you tell us about Atlantean physiology?"

**Aquaman's POV**

I took a deep breath.

"You have to understand, Kaldur'ahm is an enigma even to  _us_. No doubt you have all noticed his webbed hands and gills. You have also noticed that I myself have neither of those."

Everyone was waiting patiently. I was never open about Atlanteans. I could not be sure it would not be used against us. The exception this time is because Kaldur'ahm needs help.

"Kaldur'ahm, like myself, is only half Atlantean."

I could feel the curiosity peak in the room but before anyone could interrupt, I kept talking. We were not here to discuss his parentage.

"There are certain things he is more sensitive to than full Atlanteans and certain things he is nearly immune to. The sorcerers and healers do what they can but, there is not another case  _exactly_  like his. No two hybrids are the same."

"You say he is half Atlantean, I'm assuming the other half is human?"

Batman always saw things he should not.

"Yes."

"He visited his parents. Both of them in Atlantis. If one of them is human, how can they live underwater? Is their physiology similar to Kaldur's?"

I had to remember I was talking to people who disregarded magic as valid.

"His father uses magic to allow him to stay in Atlantis. It is not because he is genetically built like Kaldur'ahm."

I knew that would garner questions, but there was not time to question everything.

"What else can you tell us?"

"There is not much about half human half Atlantean hybrids. Kaldur'ahm's magic lies in his tattoos. While he has electricity running through his body, he has not yet figured out a way to release it in any dose without harming himself."

"When was the last time he tried?"

I was hoping Canary was not suggesting he start trying again. She must have saw the look on my face.

"I'm not going to try to make him, I just want a note of it."

"Of course. About 3 months before he came to the surface as Aqualad."

"How much exposure to water does he actually  _need_? If he didn't have his suit, which I'm pretty sure helps him retain moisture?"

I forgot that the Flash is a scientist. I mostly see him making ill timed jokes and stuffing his face.

"It does help him retain moisture. The answer to your question is not a simple one. Depending on the season, Kaldur'ahm needs varying water exposure to stay hydrated. He requires much less water than most full Atlanteans because he can control the water flow in his body. Some Atlanteans can never go on land while others can for differing amounts of time."

He was scribbling down notes as was Batman too.

Superman wanted to know why Kaldur'ahm had gills and if it made it harder for him to breathe on land.

"We are not sure of this ourselves. My physicians have come to the conclusion that his body instinctively knows when he is under water and when he is not. When he is not, his lungs work like any other humans and his gills are practically decoration at that point. They do not seem to filter the air or anything."

It was true. Whenever I took Kaldur'ahm to Gotham city he complained about the air like everyone else.

"His having gills were purely based on chance. Some Atlanteans resemble fish-like creatures and some appear more humanoid. Cross breeding is common so we all have a sense of animal empathy and some, like myself, mind link with them."

"So you mean to say that you can talk to  _fish_? And you never told us?"

There was a collective groan.

"Yes Flash. I can talk to fish."

"I did notice he was more receptive of telepathy than the others." This was from J'onn.

"Even that has its limitations. Some can only mind link to hyper intelligent species like dolphins and others to any sea creature. There is the matter of distance, precision, strength, and the like."

I had never shared so much about my people, more specifically their limitations.

There are things I did not say. Kaldur'ahm's suit, same as my own, is made of very heavy material. We are used to the heavy pressure of being so deep underwater. If we went long without the pressure and then tried to go back to Atlantis, it would cause complications.

All Atlanteans possess  _super_  strength relatively speaking. Water is a heavier medium than air. Being born under strenuous water pressures makes you stronger than human children at birth.

**Black Canary's POV**

I cleared my throat and got the rooms attention.

"Based on J'onn's report Kaldur'ahm had an acute anxiety attack. It also appears his caloric intake has dropped drastically. I know he's had issues for the past few days, but does the decrease in food usually work this  _fast_?"

"Usually he can withstand eating less food for a longer period of time. Not to mention his stress levels are uncharacteristically high for him. I would say that, added with the lack of sleep, knocked him out rather than not eating enough."

I wasn't surprised by his assessment.

"However, Atlantean diet is protein based so that is something to note."

I made sure to catalog the information.

The next question I had would be a bit more personal, but I needed to know if there was anything that Kaldur might be socially pressured by that I had not anticipated.

"Is there anything I should be aware of regarding societal pressures?"

Aquaman gave me a strange look.

"Such as?"

"Well I know male rape victims tend to question their sexuality and masculinity due to their assaults."

The whole room cringed when I said rape, but if we could not even say it to ourselves how could we hope Kaldur to open up to us?

Orin seemed decidedly uncomfortable and took his time answering.

"It is not so much masculinity as it is warrior mentality."

Before now Green Lantern and Wonder Woman had not said much but, both being warriors themselves, added in their own perspectives.

"I can understand that. When I came back from the war there were so many soldiers with PTSD that chose to suffer in silence rather than seek help."

Wonder Woman spoke her piece.

"Who wants to think that the people protecting them are capable of breaking?"

The room got silent. The parallel between soldiers and superheroes was clear.

This is what I was worried about. Kaldur had already shown signs that he felt he was not fit to lead. This could be the nail in the coffin.

If we let him resign he would lose his confidence, but on the other hand, if we let him stick with it, he could possibly shut down.

Only time would tell.

**Green Lantern's POV**

I felt really bad for the kid. And that's what he is, a kid. Not only did he go through this alone, but the way it was brought to everyone's attention was rough. He will never get the chance to go to anybody on his own time with this secret because it's out in the open already.

I'll do what I can. I know what it's like to think I always come second because it's my job to put others first.

I've had people tell me that I was being selfish with my emotions. That I  _willingly_ signed up for the army so I knew what to expect. That looking for a little understanding was just me playing the victim.

For a few years I bought into that too. I ignored my own mental health and pretended I was doing just fine.

But then I thought I had destroyed an entire planet  _(Justice League reference)_  and I started taking my mental health more seriously.

**Wonder Woman's POV**

I'm having a really difficult time with all of this. I'm not sure how much I should say. I know I have the tendency to see things as black and white, but I can't help it. I want Kaldur'ahm's tormentors to come to justice.

And this is what scares me.

I try  _not_  to think about Kaldur'ahm.

It is easier to think about the wrong doers. I don't want to think about a small and frightened child. I don't want to think about nightmares, eating disorders, and pain.

I know this is a weakness. This did not happen to me and I am coming undone. I don't know how to help.

Even if we get rid of the four beasts, Kaldur'ahm will not magically heal. I don't know what to do with this information.

We have a child in the next room fighting for sanity and I'm worried about feeling useless.

Hera give me strength.

**Kaldur'ahm's POV**

I woke up unsure of where I was or what was happening. I rubbed my eyes until they cleared.

I was in the infirmary.

I was not sure why I was here, but then I remembered what happened.

I had not had a fainting spell in ages.

Upon further inspection I could see someone, likely Martian Manhunter, had left a clicker close to my bed. I did not push it. I wanted some time to myself.

I needed to come up with a story that was believable when they found my bed empty.

They would want to know why I lost consciousness and there was no way I was going to tell them the truth.

I could not bring myself to want to push that button. I just wanted to go to my room and swim. In fact, I got up to do just that.

On my way out of the door I saw a clipboard. It had my name on it. My file was not big.

I went straight to the last entry to see what they had come up with.

There was not much there besides the obvious. That did not surprise me. Not many knew much about Atlantean's.

What did surprise me was the footnotes.

_Possible aversion to food. Monitor eating habits. Look into past eating disorders. Patient has stated he doesn't think he can keep anything down._

My face felt tight.

Aquaman assured me he would keep me updated on things. He did not have to tell the others to secretly monitor my eating habits. It just shows how much he is starting to distrust me.

It hurts to think that. It hurts because  _they_  told me this would happen. That if I ever told I would lose credibility. That, as a soldier, if I  _really_  wanted them to stop I would have found a way.

And they are right. I could have told. I did not. I  _am_  losing credibility if the footnotes are anything to go by.

I am beginning to unravel. I needed to go back to my routine. I needed to train again.

Before I left the room I ripped up the file before I could second guess myself.

If they think I have a problem they need not be sneaky and spy on me, they can come to me and  _ask_. I am not a dishonest person. I am not sure how many more slights I can take against my character.

And if they truly believe I have done nothing wrong, like they  _insist_ , then they will have no problem with speaking to  _me_  about their concerns.

**Roy's POV**

I contacted Robin hours ago to look into a criminal caught on their last mission in their database. I didn't tell him anything else. He tried to wheedle it out of me, but I didn't want to put Kaldur in a compromising position so I didn't even mention his name.

He got back in contact with me and told me nothing came up. That there were no names in any system other than Manta henchman.

I thanked him, but couldn't quell my worry.

Kaldur'ahm was pretty shaken up about something, and if Batman decided not to log it then it was bigger than I had originally thought.

**Batman's POV**

Superman cocked his head to the side.

"What is it?"

All eyes turned to him.

"I think Kaldur just woke up. It sounds like he's walking  _away_  from the room?"

Aquaman and Canary got up to go after him. Nobody moved to followed them.

**Aquaman's POV**

Kaldur'ahm's erratic behavior was getting progressively worse. It is customary to leave a summoning device in a patient's room, and I know he has one. There was no reason for him to leave without alerting anyone.

When we got to the room my heart sunk. He had already gone.

**Canary's POV**

Kaldur's file was ripped up and scattered across the floor. I couldn't think of anything in his file that would have gotten him so upset. It was mostly just facts about his age, height, and eye color.

Nothing that warranted the level of aggression displayed here.

It's not so much that ripping up a piece of paper is violent, but that to someone who makes sure he doesn't even  _crease_  his papers would rip this one up and then leave it lying on the floor.

Kaldur is immaculately neat. After he trains he puts his things away. After he eats he cleans his own dishes by hand. Kaldur was going to snap anytime soon.

It would be good when he did. He would open up, say things that are hurtful, maybe even cuss. But it will go a long way to helping him get better.

**Kaldur'ahm's POV**

I heard footsteps coming closer to my room. I was swimming laps in my tank. I had no intention of stopping.

Aquaman and Canary stepped into my room. Aquaman closed the door. My heart skipped a beat.

_This is Aquaman. He's not going to do anything. Besides Canary is here. She would stop him if he tried._

"Is something wrong?"

"You left your room without notifying anyone you were awake. We just wanted to make sure you were alright."

Aquaman was never so hesitant with his words. I guess he remembered me getting angry with him earlier.

"I regained consciousness and had no problem walking. I did not think it required me notifying anyone."

Canary raised a brow. I could not help staring at the door. I wish he would just open it.

"Kaldur do you mind getting out of the water for a few minutes?"

It was a reasonable request, even if I did not want to abide, so I got out. I had to remind myself that I wanted to show them that I was functional. I just needed to get back to my routine.

Canary took a step closer to me.

I got out of the tank.

"Kaldur. Would you like to tell me why you ripped up your file?"

I took my time responding.

"It was a spur in the moment decision."

"It happens. We can always make another file."

I nodded my head.

Aquaman took a step to me.

"Kaldur'ahm we need to know why you had a...fainting spell."

I barely managed to stop myself from glaring at him.

"It is nothing my king. I had just not eaten since this morning."

He eyes were distrustful. I was annoyed he did not believe me. Even though I  _was_  lying.

He walked next to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Kaldur'ahm, you do not have to keep things from me. Anything you say will be kept between us in this room."

As much as my king assured me that nothing would change between us, his actions were already pointing to the contrary. He had never questioned my honesty so much  _before_. I could not contain the steel in my voice.

"I have told you. I had not eaten in hours. My body needed nourishment and did not have it."

He sat me on the bed and everything began to unravel from there.

My mind was telling me I was in danger.

_"Breathe Kaldur. This will not take long."_

_**No**_. This is Aquaman. This is the _present_. Besides, Canary is right there.

"Kaldur'ahm I promise to do my best to help you in anything you need."

He bent to my level.

_"Take off your suit."_

His eyes searched mines.

"I want you to know there is nothing you cannot tell me. It is true your caloric intake has decreased, but it would take several days before such a thing would render you unconscious. Even briefly."

He was so close. Calling me a liar without actually saying it.

_My hands fisted the covers._

"I am fine."

Canary had not said anything. She was just watching us.

I did not expect it. 

_"Can we do something else?"_

Aquaman  _startled_  me. He stood suddenly and I was reminded of them. Standing  _over_  me. _  
_

_"No Kaldur'ahm. You must obey now. Remove the suit."_

The door was closed.

Without thinking I punched. Hard.

There was no movement in the room. I was worried now.

"Forgive me my king. I did not mean to... I-"

He cut me off, holding up his hands slowly like he did not want to make any sudden movement.

"It is alright Kaldur. I should not have startled you."

He was even speaking slowly. Leaving a breath between each sentence. Making sure the words got through to me. 

Canary was in the background all but broadcasting pity.

I was losing myself. One minute I was angry and the next not. I do not know how to reconcile it.

**Aquaman's POV**

I had not expected Kaldur'ahm to hit me. I knew he was on edge, but.

"Kaldur'ahm maybe you should have a seat. Try to breathe."

"No."

The defeat in his voice was becoming common place.

"Okay. Just tell me what you need for us to do."

His body went rigid.

"What do you need Kaldur'ahm?"

"Door."

His face flushed. I was confused.

"Excuse me?"

"The door."

I was still not following.

"Please. Open. The. Door."

It sounded like every word pained him to say. The implications of his request were not lost on anyone in the room.

Canary swiftly opened the door. He only calmed down a bit.

Now the atmosphere was awkward.

I am grateful Canary was here. This was her area of expertise.

"Kaldur. Please let us help you. If you tell us your problems, we can be more effective. We don't mean to pry. We just want to be thorough."

His eyes were dewy. His voice was little more than a whisper.

"Memories. A... _bad_  one. I shut down?"

He phrased the last part like a question.

His emotions were all over the place. No doubt from years of emotional buildup.

"Will you tell us what it was about?"

He shook his head no.

"Is there anything you want to ask us?"

It was quiet for a moment. He only had one thing to say.

"I want to speak to Dardanus."

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**Batman's POV**

Robin is off. We were fighting Two-face. He hasn't been this distracted in a while. He was making careless mistakes. Leaving himself open to attack. Pulling his punches.

When we got back to the cave I asked him about it.

"Is there something the matter Dick?"

He removed his mask and stared into my eyes.

"What happened on our last mission? What are you keeping from us?"

I merely raised a brow. I know he didn't get any indication of anything being amiss from me.

"What do you mean?"

He wasn't having it.

"Someone contacted me about a detainee from our last mission. I did some digging. Everyone in League custody is interrogated. And every interrogation comes with a video and paper copy. There is none for the last one. I know you are covering something up. What is it?"

"It is not your concern."

"Who is he?"

"Stay out of it. It's League business."

He was angry.

"Maybe Speedy had the right idea. We are just sidekicks to you. You never tell us anything and I  _know_  you're lying to me right now."

"So Roy contacted you?" I wasn't the World's Best Detective for no reason. I know I couldn't have just asked him. He wouldn't have told me.

He looked frustrated.

"Who was he? What does he have to do with Roy?"

"No Dick, this is none of your business."

"Why? You don't trust me with it?"

I gave him a long hard look.

"That's not it and you know it. This case is a matter of privacy. And a  _good_  man is caught in the middle of it. He deserves his confidentiality. He is entitled to it. That is why I  _will not_  tell you anything."

I made up my mind to have a talk with Roy tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a Comment or Kudo


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast with Canary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same WARNINGS & TRIGGERS apply
> 
> Please leave kudos & Comment
> 
> I do not own Young Justice
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS A LOT DIFFERENT FROM THE ORIGINAL CHAPTER 9.

**Canary's POV**

I set up a meeting with Kaldur'ahm early this morning. 

Aquaman had already told him he would alert the League about his desire to speak with Dardanus. I could tell Arthur wanted to just flat out say no, but a subtle shake of my head told him that would be a horrible idea. 

Kaldur'ahm needs to feel in control of himself again. Dictating his actions without considering his stance wouldn't help him at all. 

As far as I know, Aquaman's planning on bringing it up at the next meeting. I have  _ **no**_  hope that it will go over smoothly. 

He was right on time. He sat in the chair across from me. I handed him several articles of reading material. He looked suspicious but took them from me.

I watched him thumb his webbed fingers through the pamphlets on childhood trauma. He was uneasy. Not wanting to delve any deeper.

As he was reading through the material he would scrunch up his face up now and again.

I wanted Kaldur to look over a few facts about trauma in your formative years before I would try to convince him that it was in his best interest to talk to me more openly.

"Kaldur?"

He looked at me for the first time.

"I'm going to give you a little assignment. I want you to read these articles and I'm going to quiz you on them in a few days. In the meantime, do you have any questions about anything you read? Or anything you just want to talk about?"

"No."

I didn't expect him to be forthcoming.

"I noticed you still haven't eaten anything. Would you like to try this morning?"

He clearly didn't, but he wasn't willing to fight me on it this early. We hadn't even gotten into the harder things.

"There's some cereal in the kitchen. Maybe some diced fruit or-"

 "I am not a child. I can choose my own meals."

Technically he  _is_  a child, but there is no reason in pointing it out.

"Did Aquaman put you up to this?"

"Why would you think that?"

"These pamphlets include an Atlantean perspective. I do not believe such things are common knowledge on the surface world."

Aquaman was right. Kaldur definitely noticed his involvement.

"He helped pick out some material, but he didn't put me up to anything. I believe that this material will give you some outside perspective on your... _situation_."

He broke eye contact. Kaldur is a very independent person. He likes to spend time alone and often practices self-restraint. As leader of Young Justice and a soldier of Atlantis, he is used to facing down everything from unruly children to villains. 

"Would you mind if I asked you a few questions?"

He looked angry.

"You are attempting to trick me. If I say no, you will assume I cannot handle myself, and if I say yes..."

I sighed.

"No Kaldur. I'm not. I just want you to know that I'm here to help you sort out whatever it is you're feeling. If your emotions are hindering you in any way, then I can help you get a lid on it."

"It is not as if I fall apart  _every_  time I am feeling out of sorts...just sometimes."

I reached out and put my hand over his. I waited to speak until he made eye contact with me.

"There's nothing wrong with that Kaldur. Sometimes things just happen and you get overwhelmed and make brash decisions. We've all been there. Especially in this line of work, but couple that with trauma and it can be dangerous. I don't want to see anything happen to you."

Anything  _else_  I wanted to say.

He looked a little shamefaced.

"How about this? You ask anything you feel like? If I ask you a question and you don't want to answer it, let me know and I'll move on. Is that okay?"

He took a minute to answer. No doubt considering the technicalities.

"I can try this."

I couldn't hide my smile of relief if I wanted to. I had a feeling he would put up a fight later on, but for now he had assented to trying it out.

**Kaldur'ahm's POV**

"I believe there is something specific you wish to discuss?"

She gave me a pitying smile. I took a deep breath. I had to stick to the plan. Do my usual routine. Talk to Canary. Eat. Sleep. If I could get a handle on these things, then the League would stop doubting my ability to handle my  _own_  problems.

My parents had sent me a message last night. No doubt they were filled in on my latest  _episode_. They asked our neighbor to cast a calling spell to speak with me.

They looked worried and kept the conversation short.

They wanted to know if I needed anything. Wanted to talk about anything.

I told them no, and even though they knew it was a lie, they let me make it. 

That talk solidified the thought that my father was up to something. He looked so  _broken_  when he looked at me. I would have to ask Garth to subtly keep tabs on him. He would not ask questions.

Calvin Durham is a man of few words. I guess I got that from him. Not that my mother is a big talker, just that my father is even more quiet. When he moves his thumbs in circles around each other, he is thinking. It is a habit he had never quite managed to break.

My father is a man who craves justice. 

I have a niggling feeling that he will try to do something. I would be most low if he put himself in danger on my behalf. One mistake and he would be banned from Atlantis permanently. Our family would never recover.

**Canary's POV**

"There is another matter."

I tried to feel him out, but he could be as removed from a situation as Batman when he wanted.

"I would like to know your thoughts on what happened to you. Anything you want to say to describe it."

He face looked a little ashen.

"Why?" He shot me a skeptical look. He wasn't sure what it would accomplish.

"Kaldur. The more you open up about it, the easier it will be to find balance. I know I'm making it sound simpler than it really is, but that's the most basic way to describe it."

He was quiet in contemplation for a few minutes. I didn't interrupt him.

"I did not like it... _always_."

He whispered the last part and immediately tried to backtrack.

"Breathe Kaldur. You haven't said anything wrong."

"I do not wish for you to misunderstand. I did not like it ever. I know it was wrong. Everything about it was wrong."

I'd worked with enough people to know when to not interrupt.

He was grasping for words. Trying to get me to understand something.

**Kaldur'ahm's POV**

I had not meant to say that. I could not have her thinking that I  _enjoyed_  it. She would think that I wanted it to happen.

I just meant that sometimes it was not painful. Sometimes I was weaker and could not refuse my body's demands.

She would not see it that way. No  _normal_  person would.

I wish I could take the words back, but she had already heard them.

**Canary's POV**

"Kaldur'ahm I want you to listen to what I'm about to say and take it to heart if you can ok?"

He only continued to stare at the table, but I knew he was listening.

"These things do not always hurt physically. Just because someone becomes aroused doesn't make it okay. It doesn't mean they deserved it or welcomed it. Flesh reacts to physical stimulus. It's a perfectly normal reaction."

He just began to shake his head repeatedly.

"Kaldur?"

"Do not do that. You do not have to tell me that to make me feel better. I  _know_. I  _understand_. I should have  _never_  felt... good. Do not coddle me. I know better."

I wanted to pull him into a bear hug and never let go. If I weren't one of the good guys I would end Dardanus while he was still in our custody. People like him don't deserve second chances.

"I'm not just saying that Kaldur. This has happened to people before. An orgasm doesn't absolve a crime nor does it make you guilty."

I could tell he  _wanted_  to believe me. He understood it on a philosophical level, but his heart hadn't caught up yet.

"But I should not have. What they did was not right. It was wrong. All of it...all of it."

"What did they do?"

His sea green eyes pleaded with my blue ones.

He looked so defeated. Willing the words to stay in his throat.

_"They raped me. Many times."_

His voice had a weird lilt to it.

It was a hollow victory.

I felt like a knife had been twisted into my heart. He needed to say it, but it didn't make anything any easier.

He looked surprised that he actually used the word.

"Yes, they raped you. And it wasn't your fault. None of it was."

The tears began to fall and his breathing was shaky.

"It wasn't your fault Kaldur."

He dropped his head in his hands and cried more earnestly then.

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**Batman's POV**

It was clear Roy was struggling financially. His apartment was completely devoid of any real sustenance and it was nearly bare.

No one could say superheroing was a lucrative occupation. I would have to tell Oliver to help him as subtly as he could. Roy was a proud kid. He'd probably already refused Oliver's help before.

I had been waiting in his apartment for over two hours. I heard when he got to the door. The slight hesitation to turn the knob let me know he knew someone was there.

His instincts were good for someone only in the business for a few years.

My assumptions were proven correct when he opened the door and his bow was aimed at me.

I could tell he was surprised to see me. I could also see the lines of fatigue. He had just gotten off patrol. It's why I came now.

Tired people snap easier and have looser tongues. Roy was stubborn and I would need all the help I could get to extract information from him. Kaldur'ahm was his best friend and, to my knowledge, his only  _real_  friend. He got along with Dick and Wally but they were 5 and 3 years younger than him. Besides that, he  _initiated_  conversation with Kaldur and actively sought out his company.

He lowered his bow but didn't set it down.

He rolled his eyes and gave a heavy sigh.

"Bats."

If I was Bruce right now I would have smirked.

"We need to talk about Kaldur'ahm."

"Well if they sent the big guns then it's more serious than I originally thought."

"What all did he tell you?"

He walked fully into the room and set his bow behind his recliner. He was exhausted.

"Why don't you tell me what you know and I'll let you know if he told me that or not?"

Ugh. Teenagers.

"I understand you want to protect him, but I assure you I am more aware of the situation than you are. I just need to know how much to reveal to you."

He considered it for a bit and decided to answer me.

"Just that he ran into someone he used to know."

That's all he was going to give me.

**Roy's POV**

No way am I telling him everything. Kaldur is my friend. The Justice League is just my used-to-be employers. Not very trusting one's at that. I don't owe them anything anymore. I don't have to prove myself to anyone.

I could have told him how off Kaldur was. How I knew something serious was going on because they were hiding it. Trying to cover something up. But I respected Kal enough not to pry too much.

I could have told him about his little episode, but that's none of his business. I'm not even sure why they sent Batman anyway.

He can catch a million bad guys but, when it comes to emotional wounds, he's as useless as I am.

"Kaldur'ahm is going to need a  _ **friend**_  right now. Just keep looking out for him. That's all I will say."

Something in his tone caught me off guard. If I wasn't  _completely_  sober I could swear I detected sympathy.

Of course I know he's  _capable_  of it. He is a hero after all, but he doesn't  _show_  it.

"Of course I'll look out for him."

"Good. Nobody knows we had this talk."

Yeah right.

"Yeah no. I'm not going to lie to Kaldur like you guys lied to us. He deserves better than that. He's the most honest among us. And the most understanding. He still hasn't figured out how much you guys  _don't_  treat us like equals. No way am  _I_  going to be the one lie to him!"

The room was quiet for a while.

"Tell him if you feel you must. But know that he really is having a hard time right now."

And with that he was out of the window. I guess the front door wasn't  _Batty_  enough for him.

Aargh.

I hate stuff like this. I know Kal. If I tell him Batman showed up he'll shut down because he'll think they think he can't handle himself, but if I don't tell him and he finds out later...well trust is very important to Kaldur.

He would forgive me overtime, but it would never be the same.

**Kaldur'ahm's POV**

I sat next to Canary while I ate my breakfast. I could not tell you what it was because I was not thinking about it.

I can tell Canary knows I am not thinking about the food too, but she took mercy on me and pretended not to notice.

It was the first time I had used the word  _rape_.

It sounded so much more real now.

I was slowly drowning in despair. Thinking of all the times I considered *resting with Poseidon but never knowing how to go about it.

I can tell Canary wants to talk to me, but I am not up to it.

Just remembering hands, quick touches, rough squeezes, dirty words, and vile threats was enough to clam me up.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I had not noticed the new presence in the room.

"Aqualad are you okay?"

I snapped out of it.

I could see the genuine concern on M'Gann's face and I wanted it to go away. The last thing I needed was anyone on the team to see me in this state. If I was going to get better, I had to do it apart from them.

She was never supposed to be here. She should have been with her uncle.

I could not keep some of the fire out of my voice.

"Why are you here?"

Canary looked ready to intervene, but it was not needed. M'Gann is an empath. She easily gleans emotions. I just hope she did not pick up any stray thoughts. That is not a situation I am prepared to handle.

**M'Gann's POV**

I came here to get a cookbook I had left behind. I had not expected Aqualad and Black Canary to be eating breakfast together.

Well, Aqualad was eating.

When I stepped into the room I was overwhelmed with grief, but not my own. It took me a second to conclude the source was coming from Kaldur'ahm.

After recognizing that, I was quick to shut off our mental link. I didn't want a repeat of last time.

It was difficult to keep the link closed because Kaldur'ahm's emotional state was going haywire right now. His mental walls were weakening and subconsciously reaching out to me. Seeking solace.

_"Why are you here?"_

I could tell he didn't mean it to be rude. He had not wanted me to see him like this. I had no intention of intruding on him. He was clearly having a session with Canary now that I thought about it.

"I came to get a cookbook. I didn't mean to interrupt anything. I'll just get it and go so you can get back to...whatever you were doing."

He made to stop me but I already knew what he was thinking.

"Don't worry this isn't something anyone else needs to know about."

He looked visibly relieved, but I could still feel his wariness. I decided to quickly get the book and leave.

When I left Canary was whispering to him.

**Connor's POV**

Ever since M'gann got back from Mt. Justice she was real quiet. She even managed to make half decent cookies, which really let's you know something was up.

Usually when she cooks she's so excited that she forgets things because she can't focus. It makes for interesting meals.

But since my stomach is nearly indestructible and her uncle is, well her uncle, we take it in stride.

"What's up?"

"Nothing."

I sat next to her for 47 minutes in utter silence before she cracked.

"It's Aqualad."

I was curious now. Me and Kaldur had a strange relationship. He was my friend slash big brother. He was the first one to talk to me like a human when he helped break me out of the pod.

"What happened?"

"Nothing. He just seemed kind of down today."

I know M'Gann. She's been practicing with her uncle to block out subtle changes in emotion so she could function better in high school were teenagers' hormones were out of control.

She might have still picked up on his stress because we are around each other so much and she's used to him. To all of us. It makes her extra sensitive to our mood changes.

However, I also know she's hiding something when she plays with her sleeves.

"I know there's more. You know I won't say anything, or look at him differently. I was wondering when he'd start showing how stressed he really is. He's as real as the rest of us. Besides, I have an outburst at least twice a day. Who am I to judge?"

She was chewing her lip now.

"It was different this time. He felt like he was  _drowning_  in guilt. He felt completely  _lost_. I've never seen him like that before. I guess it kind of scared me. He's the leader you know. I'm just so used to him handling things better than the rest of us. He's like the Batman of our team you know?"

I did know.

Kaldur'ahm's tendency to put everyone first usually means that we overlook how he takes care of himself. We take it for granted because Kaldur'ahm was a child soldier.

He has actually fought in a war.

When he has a problem, he tackles it head on.

"Whatever it is, if it's really serious I'm sure he'll ask for help. He's responsible. He'll get better."

She gave me a weak smile.

"I know. Just don't say anything to anyone ok? I wasn't even supposed to tell you."

"No problem."

 

Note: When Kaldur'ahm says he was considering *resting with Poseidon he is referring to suicide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaldur’ahm, Calvin, and David; Kaldur talks to Roy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the LONG hiatus. Life picked up and only just started settling down for me.
> 
> As always, I don’t own ANYTHING DC related. Same warnings apply.
> 
> Please feel free to comment!
> 
> (P.S. I WOULD RECOMMEND AT LEAST RE-READING THE LAST CHAPTER. I CHANGED A LOT IN IT)

 

**Sha’lain’a’s POV**

“Should we tell him about David?”

I had always hoped to tell Kaldur’ahm of his biological father when he had reached the age of majority. It was looking like that timeframe might be sped up a year or two.

“Sweetheart. I don’t think that’s very wise. Kaldur’ahm is very _sensitive_ right now. That information could break him.”

I hated secrets. Oh, they were necessary at times, but they hurt all the same.

“We will need his help in order to reach those who dared harm our son. It has been years since David and I have spoken. The last time was when Kaldur’ahm was 13. He might not feel the same about him anymore.”

“We’ll see.”

 

**_FLASHBACK_ **

**Sha’lain’a’s POV**

“Sha’lain’a, he is my son too. Or have you been so busy playing house with Calvin that you’ve forgotten that little fact?”

“He’s 9 David. He wants to practice magic. To help Atlantis be even better! Do not try to use him for your own selfish purposes.”

We had been going back and forth about this for the past hour.

“9 will turn into 19 before you’re ready to tell him the truth. We agreed that he would at least _know_ about me.”

“Of course he knows about you! Black Manta is seen destroying things both in the Oceans and on the surface all the time. He hates you. He hates what you do!”

We were both yelling by then. Calvin had taken Kaldur’ahm on a trip to the city.

“He knows what they want him to see! He doesn’t know me and that’s because you won’t let me near him. If I just had a little time with him to-”

“I’m just trying to protect our son!”

“And yet you won’t afford me the option of doing the same! I never took you for a hypocrite Sha’lain’a.”

Every time we get together he tried to tear me down. He would never understand that Kaldur’ahm came first.

“I am no hypocrite. I put that life behind me.”

“You used to have such vision.”

“I still do. But they include my son now.”

It was silent for a beat.

“At least allow me to pay for his schooling.”

“With ill-gotten money? If anyone ever found out the funds came from you, we would be run out of our homes. I would be executed for treason! It is too risky.”

“You won’t tell him about me. You won’t let me talk to him, and you won’t take my money to support him! I’m running out of options here Sha’lain’a.”

It was not nearly as simple as he was making it out to be. Just speaking to him was dangerous. The thought of anyone catching him here sends shivers down my spine.

“You could always renounce your ways.”

We both gave a soft smile at that. It was an age old argument between us. When I found out I was pregnant with Kaldur’ahm, my views on the world began to change. I spent many nights, trying in vain, to win David over.

“I can’t do that. I won’t do that.”

He was looking directly at me now.

“I’m not _all_ bad Sha’lain’a.”

Of course not. His ambition, his leadership skills, his charm, all were things that allured me to him from the beginning. I used to be able to envision his future so clearly, but as time wore on, and lives were lost, I lost that innocence.

“I know. One day he will know of you. Just not _now_. Give him a chance to make up his own mind about what he wants from life.”

 

*****End of Flashback*****

**Present Day**

**Calvin’s POV**

It wasn’t easy for me to admit that we needed David’s connections. I still had a few contacts from my days as a henchman, but none high up enough to get me where I needed to get.

Those men would pay. I would hate for their deaths to get back to Kaldur, but it wasn’t anything less than they deserved.

I’m not even worried about speaking to David again. He’d stopped being Black Manta to me years ago. When he decided that a life of violence was more important than Sha’lain’a and Kal.

No.

We would take David’s help, but we won’t tell Kaldur about him just yet. It’s too much too soon. And if I’m being completely honest, I can’t stand the _thought_ of him thinking of someone else as his father.

“Let’s just fill him in first.”

“Okay.”

Sha’lain’a left the room.

 

**Black Manta’s POV**

It was easy avenging my father. He was more like me. Or I was more like him. I knew what I had to do. Kill the man who killed him. And if I could not, then get even. It was simple.

Kaldur’ahm was not simple. I was not like him. He was not like me. We were both proud to be sure, but he was gentle where I was not.

He believed in second chances.

I know better.

When Sha’lain’a managed to get into contact with me I knew it was about him. We had nothing to talk about other than our son.

 

**Sha’lain’a’s POV**

“Come quickly Calvin, contact is being established.”

I would never risk using my magic unless it was important.

David’s face came into view. His helmet was sitting next to him. I could not help but notice the resemblance between him and Kaldur’ahm. I am certain Calvin was too.

“We must speak quickly. It is Kaldur’ahm.”

“What of him?”

I made brief eye contact with Calvin.

“We have been notified of the most heinous news regarding his time in the Atlantean Army.”

“Meaning?”

I looked to Calvin to finish the rest. It did not escape my notice that they were doing their best to ignore the other.

“There were four men at the school who…raped him. It appears it was a regular occurrence. Once of the men is in your ranks. His name is Kordax. We cannot get to the other two just yet. Arion of Poseidonis and Topo of Dyss. Another is in custody and we learned this from him. His name is Dardanus.”

It was several seconds before David spoke.

“This will be taken care of. Kaldur’ahm. My son. Is he…”

“He is managing as well as he can. We did not force him to stay here.”

“So he’s still on the surface?”

“Yes.”

“This actually works better. Less of a chance for him to find out how Kordax will be tortured and summarily executed.”

David’s voice had taken on an increasingly venomous tone.

“I will keep you updated.”

He closed the line of communication.

 

**David’s POV (Black Manta)**

Kaldur’ahm is not me.

He does not live for vengeance.

It is the only thing Sha’lain’a and Calvin have taught him that I can be proud of.

I had to keep reminding myself of this.

My son, who didn’t know me, was hurting and I couldn’t go to him.

But it seemed there was some way I could help him after all.

I donned my helmet and pushed a button calling for a guard.

“Bring me Kordax.”

 

**At The Watchtower**

**Aquaman’s POV**

“He wants to talk to Dardanus? I hope you told him no. I don’t have the time to list all of the reasons that would be a bad idea.”

I was inclined to agree with Superman, but Canary cautioned me not to dismiss Kaldur’s request so lightly. Even if we decided that he could not have access to the criminal, we would need to let him know we had truly considered it.

He deserves nothing less.

“Canary explained to me that it would be in his best interest to take his request to heart and discuss it at length. While I agree that it is a bad idea, I do not want to be the one to tell him no. Especially if we cannot come up with _several_ reasons why he cannot.”

“Bu-”

“Of course I believe it is too soon, but I also know Kaldur’ahm would not be amenable to that being pointed out. I will not dismiss him out of hand. Regardless of my affection and concern for him and his well-being.”

Superman turned to Batman who had not spoken yet.

“What do you think Batman?”

 

**Batman’s POV**

“I think he isn’t ready. Dardanus talks too much. He’d only try to get a rise out of Aqualad. We don’t need to give him the opportunity.”

“I agree, but is that how we’re going to pitch it to Kaldur’ahm?”

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

My utility belt started to light up. I was being hailed.

“I have matters to attend.”

I left the hall and went into a more private location.

“This is Annex Orin. Speak.”

 

**Flash’s POV**

“Batman I need to speak with you.”

The caped avenger merely got up and followed me out of the room.

“I don’t know how long we can keep the kids from finding something out. Just yesterday Wally asked me what was going on. Apparently, he’s been talking to Robin.”

“I know. I told Robin it was League business. He is going to pry. That’s why we haven’t put anything in the formal records.”

“Good. I’d hate for Aqualad to have to go through this again. And so soon.”

We walked back into the meeting room.

**Black Manta’s POV**

This was not an interrogation. Kordax, my _Lieutenant_ , was guilty. This was not me trying to extract information. I didn’t want to hear _anything_ this time. I didn’t want to know _specifics_. If he had given me specifics, I would have gone after his family too.

This was pure and simple revenge.

He didn’t fight it after I told him who my son was. He understood it was his end.

Beating him wasn’t doing anything to quell my anger. It was time for him to die.

After I gave the finishing blow, I hailed two guards to dump what was left of him in front of the army school in Shayeris with a short message intended for The Usurper.

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

“What does it say?”

“Protecting my son in ways you cannot.”

“Has the rest of his body been found?”

“Just his head sire.”

“Keep me updated.”

 

**Superman’s POV**

“We can’t keep him in our custody forever. He has to be moved to Atlantis eventually.”

 

**Green Lantern’s POV**

“Maybe we _should_ let his father have Dardanus. Save ourselves the trouble.”

My statement was met with less disagreement than I thought. The only ones who protested were the Flash and Superman. More so out of common decency than any real conviction.

All heads turned when Aquaman walked back into the room.

“Dardanus cannot be moved to Atlantis anytime soon.”

“Why?”

 

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

“His head was found floating in front of the army school Kaldur’ahm went to.”

I did not tell them about the message. It was not my place to tell them of Aqualad’s true parentage, or Calvin’s and Sha’lain’a’s criminal history.

There was no sound in the room.

Batman asked the question they were all wondering.

“Was it his father?”

I did not hesitate.

“No.”

Technically it was not a lie.

They did not ask questions and I offered no further information.

“I should tell Kaldur’ahm.”

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

Aquaman had summoned me. When I got there I knew the news would be grave.

“Annex Or-”

“Please take a seat Kaldur’ahm.”

My heart was racing in my chest. I did not think they would have come to a decision already.

I took a seat.

“There is no other way to say this than to just say it.”

I waited.

“Kordax is dead. His head was found floating in front of the army school at the Shayeris branch.”

Nothing in me wanted to believe it.

“Did my father…?”

I could not finish the question.

“No. He did not.”

He was looking down when he said it.

I knew I should have talked to Garth sooner. But if Aquaman was saying it was someone else then surely he was letting my father get away with it. I do not know what to say to my parents.

My father always had a severe edge to him, but my mother did as well. It is more likely that they both had something to do with it.

I never wanted this for them.

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

“Did my father…?”

He could not begin to understand the complexity of his question. Calvin and Sha’lain’a most definitely got in contact with Manta.

With the use of magic she was strictly forbidden to use. But how could I fault them? I know it must have been hard to speak with Black Manta.

Knowing that nothing you ask of him is ever freely given.

He would definitely be calling in on the favor.

“No. He did not.”

It was the truth and lie all the same.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I needed to speak to my parents. But what would I say to them? How would the conversation go with none of us speaking the obvious? I should have made it clear I did not want them to interfere.

I needed to find a way to get back to Mt. Justice. I need to talk to Roy. After my fainting spell, they had relocated me to the Tower. I had been here ever since.

It is not like I was being held prisoner.

I decided.

I would ask Aquaman to take me back to Mt. Justice. I could see no reason he would deny me.

“Can I go back to Mt. Justice?”

He looked startled that I had spoken.

“There is no one at Mt. Justice right now Kaldur’ahm. You would be there alone.”

I could hear the trepidation in his voice.

“I can take care of myself.”

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

There was no way I was letting him go alone.

“Is there something you needed from there? I could send the Flash to get whatever it is?”

It was quiet while he sized me up.

“Space. I do not want to be here for longer than necessary. It is for League members. Which I am not.”

Guilt. It was not like Kaldur’ahm to take digs. He understands that the main thing in the way of his being a full League member is his age.

“I am done here. I could take you back.”

“Gratitude.”

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I hated to do it, but I need to get from under the watchful eye of Aquaman. I just needed to play this right.

He would escort me back to Mt. Justice and I would stay in my room until nightfall when his guard was down.

Then I would make my way over to Red Arrow.

“Excellent. Just let me make our departure known.”

I bowed and he left the room.

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

“He wants to go back to Mt. Justice. It is the least I can do. After the murder of Kordax, he must be pensive around us. He would probably feel more comfortable in his own room.”

“Just be sure to keep an eye on him.”

With a nod, I was out of the door.

 

**** At Mt. Justice ****

**Aquaman’s POV**

I should have never let my guard down. I forget sometimes that Aqualad is a teenager. I just did not think he would steal away in the night like he had.

I tried calling him but I received no answer.

I was loathed to call the League and tell them Kaldur had slipped away from me.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

Tula and Garth were too far away to go to them before morning. Aside from that, even I can admit that our friendship has seemed more strained as of late. Our lives have taken different paths. That commonality we used to share does not always seem to be enough anymore.

But it was not the same with Roy. We never had a whole lot in common to begin with. Our friendship was slow getting started, but it had waxed strong trial after trial.

By the time I got to his apartment he was on top of the roof about to go patrolling. I had arrived just in time.

“My friend.”

“K-Aqualad?”

“I need to talk to you. Somewhere private.”

I could tell he was thinking.

“I have a place.”

 

**Red Arrow’s POV**

I took Kaldur to an old hideout. One not even Ollie knew about. The closer we got, the heavier the weight on my stomach.

The entire trip was spent in complete silence.

When we arrived and got as comfortable as we were going to get, I started telling him about my visit from Bats.

“I didn’t tell him anything. Couldn’t get anything out of him either. He just told me to look out for you, that you would need a friend.”

I looked to where Kaldur was hunched over in thought.

“He said nothing in particular?”

“No. We didn’t talk long and he left shortly after that. I told I was going to tell you about it.”

“I was not being entirely truthful the other day.”

“We all have secrets Kal. I understand if you don’t tell me everything.”

He didn’t look appeased. There was something eating at him and he was choosing me to tell it to. I couldn’t fuck this up. He might never get it off his chest otherwise. Kal is a bottler. He keeps his problems to himself. I was being entrusted with something serious here.

“I know that I do not _have_ to tell you. However, I _need_ to. Aquaman is doing his best, but he does not know when to take a step back and it makes me agitated. I have lost my temper more than once against him. Canary… she pities me. I would not be surprised if the entire League did as well.”

I was afraid to ask what it was.

“What happened?”

 

****Back at Mt. Justice****

“You lost him?”

“I tried calling him several times, but it turns out he left his comm device. I found it floating in his tank.”

“Any clue where he could be?”

“No Superman. He does not know many people.”

“Do you want us to help look for him?”

“No. He said he needed space. He could just be going for a walk.”

He looked unsure but took my word for it.

“If you change your mind the Flash and Green Lantern are on standby.”

 

****At the Hideout****

**Kaldurahm’s POV**

This would not be easy. But at least it was my choice to tell Roy.

“The man from my past. He was from my days in the Atlantean army.”

I could see Roy’s eyebrow go up. I never talked about my life before Aqualad.

“He was one of the several trainers there. But before I start with him, I should give you background information.”

He simply nodded his head.

“I never had many friends. I was not very approachable. It was lonely. I left home for Army prep when I was 11. I thought I could start over, but making friends was not something I succeeded in.”

Not until much later then, but by then the damage had been done.

“Days went by and nothing changed. I was at the top of my class, but there was still a void in my life. A few of the trainers, four of them, took me under their care. They gave me pointers, checked my work, and most importantly they talked to me.”

This was getting harder to do.

“Things were fine for a while. Until they were not. I was not nearly as astute at 11 as I am now. I should have known something was up.”

I took a few moments to steady my voice.

“One of my trainers got very… _familiar_ with me. I knew it was wrong, but I was frozen in place. He apologized later on and I vowed to put it behind me. I wanted desperately to believe that things could go back to normal. But things were never the same after that. Eventually, things escalated. The three other trainers were the same. They were in my company a lot.”

I did not risk a glance at Roy. I had heard the grip on his bow tighten.

 

**Roy’s POV**

I don’t know what I was expecting to hear but it wasn’t this. Kaldur had not actually _confirmed_ what I was thinking. I could be wrong. This could be one of those Atlantean things. Something we would laugh about later. A cultural misunderstanding.

“Familiar?”

I heard the tremble in my voice.

He just looked at me. Eyes suspiciously red.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I did not want to spell it out, but I knew he would not leave anything up to chance. He needed to be sure he understood what I was saying.

I tried to keep the tears out of my eyes, but I am sure I failed.

“Our relationship was not one of a willing nature.”

“I…I’m not sure I understand Kaldur.”

He was forcing himself to keep eye contact with me.

“They _touched_ me. Rubbed against me. Took pleasure from my body as they saw fit. I was a child. I would run and hide. Pretend to be sick. Go to bed early. Beg if I had to. Nothing ever worked. They never cared what I wanted. What I did not want. For years I thought it would never end. I thought about ending things-”

The crack of Roy’s bow was loud.

“Your bow.”

 

**Red Arrow’s POV**

“Your bow.”

“Forget the bow Kaldur.”

I had to steady myself.

“This man. Is he still in custody? Who are the others? Where are they now? I need names.”

Damnit!

I was angry. Angrier than I had ever been. Kaldur didn’t deserve this. Wasn’t anyone fucking taking care of the kids? No one noticed **anything**? Bullshit. I know a cover-up when I see one.

His soft voice broke my thoughts.

“Calm down my friend. Please. These things are in the past.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Not about something like this. How could he possibly stay calm at a time like this?

“Calm down? Kaldur those bastards _raped_ you! I should hunt them down myself and cut off their fucking hands! Make an example out of their sorry carcasses. What kind of filth hurts a defenseless child? Kaldur? Shit! Dude, please don’t cry. Shit. Shit. Shit. I’m sorry Kal. You know I talk too much. I never know when to shut up.”

I wasn’t expecting him to _cry_. I _swear_ I didn’t mean to make him cry.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I tried to keep myself under control, but seeing Roy angry on my behalf was liberating. He was not cool and collected like the League. Who wanted to take matters into their own hands, but would never say it to me.

The League coddled me and kept their truest thoughts away from me. All the while wanting me to trust them, and not trusting me.

I only sobbed harder when I felt Roy’s hand on my shoulder.

I knew I was making him uncomfortable, but the tears would not stop.

“The League knows…they can barely _look_ at me. They are on eggshells around me.”

My breaths were scattered.

“I had to tell my parents, and I think they had one of the men killed Roy. He is dead because of me. If I had said something years ago then maybe-”

He would not let me finish that sentence.

 

**Roy’s POV**

I couldn’t let Kaldur put this on himself. I’m not exactly upset the guy was killed. I’d congratulate his parents, but Kaldur seemed really torn up about it.

He’s probably worried they’ll be in trouble.

“Don’t blame yourself Kal. There’s no way to know for sure what would’ve happened. None of it was your fault anyways. As far as your parents go, you don’t _know_ they had anything to do with it. I wouldn’t worry about it just yet.”

“Don’t do that.”

I was truly confused.

“Do what?”

His voice came out hoarse.

“Do not tell me I am not at fault here. I have caused trouble for many people I care about and look up to. They are involved because of _me_.”

“They are involved because they care. I care!”

“I do not think I can keep all of this in anymore. I am not sure how much longer I can function like this.”

“You don’t have to. Do this alone I mean. I know I went off, but anything you want to tell me I’ll listen to. No judging. I won’t even talk if you don’t want me to. Just promise me that if you ever think about hurting yourself you’ll tell me. Please promise me.”

He looked hesitant to answer me. It wasn’t a good sign.

“I will tell you my friend.”

I gave him a shaky smile.

“Tell me how to help you Kal.”

It was a while before he responded.

“I am not sure of that myself.”

That wasn’t promising either.

“Is there anything you want to do right now?”

He looked a little lost.

“Can we just sit here?”

“Of course.”

We sat there until dawn broke.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave a comment.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get going. Unexpected mission. Enter the Young Justice Team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to personally apologize to you guys for taking soooo long to update. I'm just one of those people who goes through blocks of time really focused on one thing. As it were, that means I tend to neglect other areas of my life. It's nothing serious or anything. Lol. I just love to read as much as the other users on this site. I will binge read 200k+ fics for weeks. I can honestly say it helps motivate me to finish my own stories. Believe me I know how much it sucks when you're reading a good fic and it never gets finished. You're happy for the chapters you read but you still wish it were complete. So without further ado…
> 
> Same warning & tags apply. Please leave kudos & comment. I don't own Young Justice or any of its characters.

 

**Roy’s POV**

The trek home was quiet and strained. We both hadn’t gotten any sleep. Kaldur wouldn’t look at me and I wasn’t exactly trying to make eye contact with him myself. It feels like I should be doing more. Like there’s something I should be saying but I don’t know what. Kaldur’ahm typically handles his own problems. We both do. Any other day it wouldn’t even matter, but right now he needs something and I don’t know what to do about it.

  **Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

The aura in the room was strained and weary. Roy was uncertain what his next move should be. He was waiting for any indication from me. I do not regret telling him but, I wish I had fully thought out the repercussions of my actions. Canary was always telling me it was _okay_ to do what I needed in order to get to a safe space. That sometimes I would be up and other times down. At this point, I would settle for just _existing_. I do not mean to make anyone hesitate or second-guess themselves around me, but I was at a loss as to how to fix the problem. In any case, I needed to go back to Mt. Justice.

“I have to check in with Aquaman. He will be expecting me.”

He grabbed his bow and tossed it over his shoulder.

“Let’s go.”

We scaled buildings until we reached Roy’s apartment. I had to convince him that I could make it to base fine by myself. He was hesitant to let me go, but I did not give him a choice in the matter.

It took me 20 minutes. I had a lot to think about. My parents, Kordax, my position on the team, my health, and knowing that the league _knows_. I was starting to doubt if I ever wanted to gain full membership to the League. Would it be possible to work with people and have their full trust when they know such things about you? Knowing that they look at you and see you at your weakest? If army school taught me anything it is that there is strength in isolation.

This was the tenant I wrestled with the most. Being a loner by nature does not erase the need or the desire for companionship. I wanted to spend time with my peers doing things unrelated to our studies, but the chance never arose for me. I wanted to have personal relationships with others. But since I never made friends easily, and refrained from speaking too much, I _relied_ on strength in isolation.

To an extent, I was admired. From afar. The others believed that since I was on the command track, that I was just one of those Atlanteans that took everything seriously. That I was just going by the book. When you get down to it, I looked good on paper. They liked the _idea_ of me.

By the time I shook myself from my thoughts, I had made it back to base. The system announced my return. Aquaman stood in front of me. He wanted to say something. I beat him to it.

“I went to talk to a friend.”

After a moment’s hesitation, he just nodded his head. Before he could speak, his comm went off. It was Batman.

_“We have a case. Normally it would be for Young Justice but—”_

Aquaman was frantic in trying to stop him from talking.

“Aqualad has made it back to the premises.”

I was _fuming_. This is exactly what I was afraid of. Being removed from my position.

“I can handle it!”

I sent a mind link “ _Team we have a mission_!”

Before Aquaman could stop me I ran out.

*****Italicized conversation because they are all speaking using their mind link -Artemis hasn’t joined the team at this point*****

“ _Robin, make sure to download all the necessary files. It has been brought to my attention that the League does not want us on this case although it falls within our jurisdiction. Do not leave anything out_.”

_“Got it! What’s going on Kal? The League’s been really low-profile lately.”_

_“Now is not the time Robin. We need to focus on completing the mission first.”_

_“Kid Flash, Miss Martian, Superboy, are you all getting this?”_

_“Yep!” “Of course.” “Hmm.”_

_“M’gann, get the bio-ship ready we need to get to the Belle Reve Penitentiary. There are some strong meta-humans on the escape.”_

_“Why wouldn’t the League want us in on this? Isn’t this too small for them? I feel like I’m missing something. Are they hiding things from us again?”_

_“Slow down there KF, Aqualad is right. We need to focus on the mission before getting off topic. So Aqualad, what’s next?”_

We were going to complete this mission with _no_ problems.

 

**AQUAMAN’S POV**

“Batman you need to close their line of information. He is not ready. We cannot send him into a situation where he could be a danger to not only others but himself.”

“Robin has already secured the complete profile. We can curtail them but that could cause more problems. Aqualad is your charge. I’ll leave the decision up to you.”

It is a lose-lose situation. If I stop Kaldur’ahm it will only make him think that I do not trust in his abilities. On the other hand, if I let him continue it could be the catalyst for him hurting someone irreparably.

Kaldur’ahm is still a child. Stopping him now would leave emotional wounds. He would not believe that this would be in his best interest.

“Let them complete the mission. But be on standby. This _could_ help him release some of his recent aggression.”

“I’ll fill the others in.”

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV – These are his thoughts**

Everything was going well. I could tell there was tension, and usually, I would have addressed it, but I needed everything to go perfectly tonight. There was no room for error. But it was not to be.

_One of the men picked Robin up by the **torso**._

**_No_ ** _. It is an **innocent** touch. Well not innocent, but not like **that**._

_Robin can handle himself._

_Stop making your way towards them._

_Robin is **fine**. _

_The man does not want to harm him in this way._

_But what if he **does**?_

_How can I be **sure**?_

_Maybe I am overlooking the man’s intentions because I do not want to believe it. But Robin is only 13. Around the same age I was._

_Maybe I can no longer be objective._

_Stop making your way over there Kaldur._

_Stop the man trying to sneak up behind M’gann instead._

_Good. Superboy has taken care of it._

_Robin is holding his own._

_But the **torso**? _

_Why not his **arm**? _

_The arm would have been okay._

**_“Stop Kaldur. That’s enough!”_ **

_I do not know whose voice this belonged to. I just know I had to stop this man. This man who liked to pick up children by their torsos._

**_Ribs_ ** _._

_Good, he cannot breathe. He will bend over to stop the assault._

**_Chin_ ** _._

_Perfect. One more well-placed hit and he will be on his back._

**_Nose_ ** _._

_Okay. He is down._

_Now to make sure he **stays** that way. _

_Someone is pulling me away._

_They are strong._

_It must be Superboy._

_But it is just as well. The man is down. Still breathing. Barely. But he is down. He will not be picking Robin up again._

_Before I knew it I had pushed Superboy away from me. The heat of my glare must have confused him._

_I can tell his feelings are hurt. That I am the one who hurt them._

_I should apologize._

_But I don’t._

_When I finally calm down everyone is looking at me. Robin seems the most disturbed. I hope he does not think I believe he cannot handle himself. That is not it._

_But he should not have to._

_My comm interrupts my thoughts and the stiff silence._

**_“Batman to Aqualad.”_ **

**_“The mission is complete.”_ **

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

My day continued to spiral downwards.

I should not have to _tell_ someone it is _okay_ to pat my shoulder in congratulations. It is embarrassing. Something so simple should not require an explanation. I was tired of having people walk on tiptoe around me. I was not going to suddenly fall apart.

Aquaman’s hesitance to touch me was jarring.

“I do not have an aversion to touch my king. You do not have to shy away from touching me.”

I guess I had a little more fire in my voice than I realized because several pairs of eyes in the room turned to me. I was not one quick to anger.

“I apologize Aqualad. I did not mean to offend.”

I was so _tired_ of that phrase.

_I did not mean to offend_.

“Are you sure about that? Only yesterday I told you I was fine. I guess my credibility has been so tarnished that you are no longer able to take me at my word.”

I pushed out my chair and left. Meeting be damned.

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

There was **_no_** sound in the room. Everyone was staring at me in shock. Kaldur never _argued_ with me apart from the time he rescued Superboy.

This was different.

Kaldur was spiraling and in denial about how much help he needed. He kept saying everything was fine, but he was not even focusing in day-to-day activities. He was eating less and less every day. And Black Canary had said he was still bottling his deepest thoughts.

He was _angry_.

And an angry Kaldur was bound to snap.

 

**Black Canary’s POV**

“Usually I would say to let him have some time to himself, but he hasn’t been this forthcoming for a while. I say take advantage of the situation and get him to talk. _Something_ is bothering him and we need to get to the bottom of it.”

 

**Superman’s POV**

I don’t know Aqualad on a personal level, but I can say he’s never been so brash. What I just saw was not anger. It was desperation.

 

**Kid Flash POV**

“Okaaaay! Is no one going to talk about the proverbial elephant in the room? What was that? Aqualad’s been on edge since we took this mission. Speaking of, why weren’t we supposed to do this one? It was practically a cake walk. Apart from sea legs—”

“Kid that’s enough. Everyone has a bad day. Let Aquaman handle it. However, _we_ are going for a food run.”

 

**Flash’s POV**

I needed to divert the kid’s attention before he asked too many questions.

 

**Robin’s POV**

“So..”

“No Robin. This does not concern you.”

“But Batman it’s pretty obvious something is going on here. KF might be sidetracked by food but I won’t be. I _demand_ you tell us what’s going on. We’re not kids. It’s our job to look out for everyone on the team but how can we do that if you are purposely keeping things from us?”

“I said no and that’s it. There will be times where you won’t be given even _half_ of the details of a mission. Times where you won’t find any answers at all. This is how it is in our line of work.  If you can’t be mature enough to accept that answer then maybe you’re not mature enough to be on this team.”

I was shocked. Batman never reprimanded me so bluntly in front of other people. I didn’t have time to be embarrassed though. Now I was worried. Batman is stubborn but he usually gives me little hints that help ease my mind. This time he’s not budging. It’s been _days_ since our last mission. Everything started there.

 

**Superboy & M’gann’s Mind Link Conversation**

_“M’gann did you get anything from Kaldur today?”_

_“You know I don’t peek into people’s minds anymore Connor!”_

_“No. Not his thoughts. Just his feelings.”_

_“I’m not sure how much I can say. He was pretty tense all day but overall he just seemed more focused. But when he was fighting that guy. Everything just went into overdrive. He was angry but more than that he was scared. He was literally **terrified** , Connor. I just don’t understand **why**. We had everything under control.”_

_“Don’t worry M’gann! Kaldur will overcome whatever’s going on and things will be fine again.”_

_“Do you really believe that Connor?”_

_“Yes. It’s Kaldur we’re talking about. He’s the most level-headed person on the team. He thinks through everything.”_

_“That might be the problem.”_

**Black Canary’s POV**

“Perhaps we should clear out so they can talk without being interrupted.”

It took a few minutes for everyone to wind down and go their separate ways.

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I could hear Aquaman behind me. I tried to get to my quarters and close the door before he got to me.

I was digging myself in deeper and I knew it, but I just could not stop. There was no logical reason to snap at Aquaman as I had done, but I still felt strangely satisfied that I had.

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

“Aqualad your credibility is _not_ tarnished!”

I turned on him.

“Of course it is. This was a _simple_ mission and you could not trust me with it.”

“Our first concern is your health. We had already discussed that your team would not be taking any missions until-”

“Until _what_? Until I can _control_ myself again?”

You could have heard a pen drop.

“That is _not_ the case Kaldur’ahm.”

“But it _is_ the case! I cannot control myself anymore.”

“Kaldur’ahm…”

I was in a difficult position. Earlier Kaldur’ahm stated that his credibility had somehow diminished and that I no longer took him at his word.

I just wanted to ask him for forgiveness for doing _just that_ in the first place. Maybe if I had not simply taken him at his word I would have noticed something was wrong _long_ before now.

“I could never not trust you.”

“That is a false statement. I said I could do this mission and you _still_ attempted to stop me.”

“That is not--”

“Clearly my word means nothing anymore.”

“Kaldur’ahm please stop.”

“If we had never captured Dardanus you would have listened to me the first time--”

I did not mean to raise my voice but I was frustrated that he was missing the point. Why could he not see that I am to fault for never looking into his odder habits? The fact that he refused group-sleep. Ate anything given to him. Never complained about anything. I should have noticed _something_. Anything.

“Stop! I am at fault. You should blame me.”

He was confused.

“What?”

“You should blame me. If anything, the fact that I never questioned your actions or looked past the surface of your demeanor is my fault that these things stayed buried for so long. If I had known Kaldur’ahm, I swear to you that I would have done _everything_ in my power to bring those men to justice. I am sorry you had to carry this burden for so long without any aid. Just blame me. I am sorry for my part in all of this. I ask for your forgiveness Kaldur’ahm.”

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

I was not _purposely_ trying to trap him in words, but I was just now realizing how unstable I truly was. My mind was going too fast. There was nothing in _particular_ that I wanted. I just wanted _something_.

Aquaman is not to blame for anything. I _chose_ to hide the truth.

“What is wrong with me?”

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

“What is wrong with me?”

He barely whispered it. The tears in his eyes haunted me.

“ _Nothing_ is wrong with you Kaldur’ahm.”

“Yes, it is. It has become apparent to everyone. Especially after today. I never used to be like this. But I see the bad in every touch now. In every platitude. In every intention. It does not matter how hard I try to keep them at bay. The dark thoughts consume me.”

His words were frightening to me.

“Kaldur’ahm, tell me what happened today.”

At that, he crumpled to the floor.

“One of the escapees grabbed Robin. Around the _torso_. I had only meant to stop him but my instincts overwhelmed me. I did more damage than I had intended.”

When he made no move to say more I chose to push a little.

“What about him picking up Robin around the torso made your instincts go off?”

He hung his head.

 

**Kaldur’ahm’s POV**

“Do not make me say it.”

He sat next to me. If the situation were different I might have felt weird about seeing my king in such an unrefined state. As it were, it was comforting.

“I have no wish to make you say anything Kaldur’ahm. I only want to see you well. As you know, Canary has said that talking about such matters can aid in helping you. If you want me to stop talking and only listen, I can do that. But bottling these things up will not help you in the long run.”

My chest was aching and my throat was starting to burn.

I did not necessarily _want_ to explain to Aquaman about the _hands_. How close the torso was to _other_ parts. What kinds of things that led to. He already knows what was done against me. But talking about it is another matter. It is not as if Aquaman was in the room when those things were happening.

He has a general idea, but the _details_ …he did not _really_ want to know about those.

“You do not want to hear it. I do not want to say it. So why can we not just move past this?”

It was quiet for a moment before Aquaman spoke again.

“Do you truly believe it possible to leave so many things unsaid and things still go back to normal? You know that is not how things work Kaldur. I want you to be able to sleep. To not have these dark thoughts you mentioned. I want you healthy and at peace in your life. You deserve that at least. You are a good person Kaldur’ahm. I will not let anything change your mind about that. You are good Kaldur’ahm.”

I failed to notice I had begun to cry again. I only felt Aquaman get closer.

“May I embrace you?”

I could not find my voice. I could only nod.

He kept repeating himself.

“You are a good person Kaldur’ahm. You are strong. You are brave.”

 

**Aquaman’s POV**

I could feel him trembling in my arms. I was relieved he acquiesced to letting me hold him. There is not much I could do, but I remember my father doing this for me when I was young. It brought me great comfort in times of great distress. Having the person I looked up to not be disappointed in me when I felt like they had every reason to be was nice.  

“You are good. Strong and brave. The best Atlantis has to offer. You could have taken a different path in life, but you chose the one to help people. That is a noble thing to do. Not everyone can do it. You are good Kaldur’ahm. I will do whatever it takes to get you to believe those words.”

We stayed like that until his breathing evened out and he could talk again.

“I went overboard today. I hurt Superboy’s feeling when he tried to stop me. I need to apologize to him.”

“There is time for that.”

I could tell he was building himself up to say what he really wanted to.

“Robin is 13. _13_. Just as young as I was then. The man’s hands were too _low_. I think. At some points, I did not truly think anything…of _that_ nature was going to happen. But then I panicked because what if those _were_ his intentions and I was intentionally overlooking them because of what happened to m-…because of my own past? I am not used to second-guessing myself.”

I constantly found myself out of my depth.

“Kaldur’ahm, nothing is bad about what you thought. It is normal to rationalize any situation based off of your own experiences. I cannot say what that man’s intentions were but I do know that yours were good. You only wanted to protect your fellow teammate. There is nothing wrong with that.”

“But I thought I was getting better.”

His train of thought was not linear.

“Do you think you are getting worse?”

He refused to look at me. He chose to shrug his shoulders instead. His reply was just as low as it was disheartening.

“ _Sometimes_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos & comment.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why all of my works are so dark, but I could not get this concept out of my head. You can thank live journal and Young Justice for being renewed for a 3rd season.
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT & LEAVE KUDOS


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